S2E31: The All-or-Nothing Tendency of ADHD Brains

Curious about navigating life with ADHD, especially as a woman? Join us as we explore personal experiences, challenges, and insights on living with ADHD, from the realities of misdiagnosis to the different approaches people take in finding what works for them.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Understand the unique challenges of diagnosing ADHD in girls and how to recognize the signs early on.
• Discover the different types of ADHD and how hyperactivity may manifest differently in girls, empowering you to better understand your daughter's behavior.
• Uncover the common pitfalls and potential misdiagnoses of ADHD in children, equipping you with the knowledge to advocate for accurate diagnosis and treatment.
• Explore the various medication options for ADHD and gain insights into potential side effects, helping you make informed decisions about your daughter's treatment plan.
• Learn effective strategies for managing ADHD in girls without relying solely on medication, providing alternative approaches to support your daughter's well-being.

Transcript:

00:00:05
Welcome back to Word Blindness, Dyslexia exposed. I am Juliet Hahn, and I'm here with my co host, Brent Sobel. How are you on this Wednesday, Hump day. Yeah. My favorite commercial ever.

00:00:20
Hump day. What time is it? Remember?

00:00:26
I don't know if I know that. What is that? You don't know that commercial with the camel. Oh, day. Come on.

00:00:33
I don't know if I do. Oh, wow. Now I gotta look it up. Wow, that noise reminded me of Sesame Street. But now you got.

00:00:40
Now you're gonna put. Who. Who was it? Is it a Chicago thing or Canada thing? No, you're gonna pull it up and then I'm gonna be like, oh, I do remember.

00:00:57
Guess what day it is. You never can remove up to 10 times more earwax. It's earwax, but it's something else.

00:01:09
Okay, so actually, funny enough, we're going to talk about attention deficit today, and that's kind of a perfect segue. Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is. Anybody? Oh, I do remember.

00:01:34
And then there's an elephant in it. Yeah. Oh, that's not an elephant. What did you just get an elephant from?

00:01:45
Because the picture looked like an elephant ear. And clearly I am losing my sight, which just made me really sad because. Because then when it turned, I was like, oh, that's still a camel. That's still. No matter what angle you look at it, that's the camel.

00:01:57
I was going to get in there and close and look, because I can't. It's very depressing. There's a lot of stuff happening with my body these days that I'm not loving or enjoying some of it. I'm enjoying some of it. I'm not.

00:02:13
But that's not what we're here to talk about. So how does your. How's your ADHD been working?

00:02:22
The adhd? Well, let's first, you know, start off. ADHD is the most misdiagnosed learning disorder for girls in the world. Yes. But the thing is, because I.

00:02:40
The thing that's funny because I. The reason why we're talking about this today is because as we are doing so much stuff with the Sobel foundation, it comes and goes where people will say to us, oh, wait, I think I actually am dyslexic now. Or, oh, wait, I think I'm dysgraphic and it's. Or I'm adhd. And it is kind of comical because especially today, days and age where everything is fast, everything is distraction.

00:03:06
You know, everyone feels like they have some sort of ADHD of, you know, and yes, we will give it to people, but it is a chemical imbalance, and there's a lot of things with ADHD that people don't realize. And it's when it gets in. It gets in your life where then it actually hinders parts of your life is really when it becomes a problem. And so for the girls. But I.

00:03:30
We've talked about this before. I presented as a boy, Presents as a girl. Oh, yeah. Yes. This is going to be an amazing show.

00:03:39
Please take me back to when you presented as a boy. What was your name?

00:03:48
I guess these days we can't even talk about that either. Oh, we can, because this just became an interesting show. Please tell me all about you identifying as a boy. Juliet. Okay, I did not say I was identifying as a boy.

00:04:03
I presented my intention deficit presented by. So I was the outwardly hyperactive.

00:04:12
So. So to. To play to that. You know, everybody says, oh, I was ADD. So there's.

00:04:18
That was the old term. There's two types of term. ADHD. I call it ADHD 1 and 2. As you just said, the hyper bounce off wall.

00:04:26
Myself.

00:04:29
Most. A lot of boys have that. You know, boys are just boys bouncing off the row, yo. And then there's me, and then there's Jimmy over here. Over here, identified.

00:04:42
And the other one is ADHD too, where it's the. The daydreaming. And that's where a lot of girls have that one and get missed, you know, diagnosed. Because you, you know, you're sitting. You know, first, you know, boys, we can't sit in the desk anyways.

00:04:59
Now you want to give us ADHD on top of that. And girls, you know, it's the daydreaming. So it's. You can be. Sit there quietly in your desk, and you.

00:05:09
Your brain could be over in left field or over where, you know, everywhere else. So as I. As I like to call it ADHD 1 and 2. One is hyper, you know, hyperactive, bouncing off the walls, as you guys all know. Myself.

00:05:25
Two is the daydreaming portion. So that's why I always say ADHD 1 and 2. ADD is that old term. And I'm going to even take it further. So my sister and we used to call it that hypo and the hyper.

00:05:42
So I was the hyper, she was the hypo. And so that is exactly what it is. It's like the daydreamy a lot of times. And the reason why girls are misdiagnosed is because they're not hourly. And Mel Robbins Actually does a really, really good job of explaining this.

00:06:02
She talks about what a girl does is like their hyperactivity is actually internal, where in a boy's hyperactivity is external. I think I probably had. I think I had both external and internal. When you, you know, when you identify as both, it happens out there. Like last episode, we talked about Me and A talks now, like, all very confusing for the listeners.

00:06:27
They're right online. They're on point. That's why they're back. What. What is Juliet doing today?

00:06:35
So. And there's also very different between a. An active child and a hyperactive child. So a lot of times people will, you know, especially as attention deficit kind of came out and talk was talked about more. There's times where it wasn't talked about.

00:06:56
There's a lot of different things, but like with a girl, it's. It's definitely the maintaining focus, but a lot of times. And what Mel Robbins really goes into and talks about the internal struggle that what happens with a woman, and a lot of times it doesn't percent until hormones. Yay, Hormones. Go us again.

00:07:18
Whoa. Wow. Yeah. So is that. Is that Jimmy or Juliet talking now?

00:07:26
That's both. That's. That's a combination. Yeah. You know, when adhd, you talk about hormones, but it's.

00:07:37
We don't have dopamine, right? You know, we don't have dopamine flowing, you know, all day long through our brain. Yo, the way I like to describe it, it's. It's a kitchen sink. You know, it's a faucet.

00:07:52
You know, that dopamine's, you know, you don't have that faucet on 24 7. So that water is not flowing. That dopamine isn't flowing, you know, to our brain. You know, I always say sex, drugs, and rock, raw adrenaline is what turns our dopamine on. Right?

00:08:13
Crazy. You going 100 miles an hour down the ski hill and some canary yellow jacket or be doing something stupid and, you know, getting people to laugh, you know, that that's. That's what turns our doping. Then we're like, oh, my God, that feels good. You know, Feels good to have that turned on.

00:08:38
Oh, my God. It's. It's like taking that first thing away from cocaine. Like, wow, I like this, right? You know, so it's the big thing that I have is that there isn't a lot of.

00:08:52
On full understanding. Yo, a kid in class, you know, the teacher's standing at the front of class. You got the class, you got the Kid who's fooling around and the teacher yells, yo, Brent, you know, I need you to do this. When you yell across a classroom or across a court, you know, basketball court or volleyball court or gymnasium or a field or anything like that, those words don't get to us. So you have to think of a wall is in between us.

00:09:25
So then I don't listen to what the, you know, that teacher says, and then I continue doing what I'm doing and teach like, you know, fucking kid doesn't listen. Right. Kicks me in the hallway. No, I didn't hear those words. You had to come over, kind of get close to my, you know, not no snows, but get close.

00:09:43
Hey, I need you to do this. Oh, now I hear you. You can't yell across the classroom. You've got a lot of, you know, kids that, you know, sit there and fidget. Right?

00:09:57
I have to fidget. Yeah. Do you have your. Do you have your fish with you today? Where's your fish?

00:10:02
I don't know where. I was actually, just looking for it, and I couldn't find it. Where's your fish? Oh, here it is. There it is.

00:10:07
There's your fish there. Look at that. See, that's fish. So it's. I have that.

00:10:12
I have so many things on my desk. Yeah, but that's what we need. Somebody asked me the other day, why is it? Why do we. Why do we need something in our hands?

00:10:22
Right? Why do we have, you know. You know, somebody asked, why can't you pay attention? Well, if you want me to pay attention to what you're saying and focus so hard on what you are saying. I'm focusing on keeping my whole body still.

00:10:37
Every finger, every toe, every joint, everything still that I don't even hear the words that are coming out of. Out of your mouth. And I miss it. So you want me to sit there and focus? I physically can't, but when I sit there, I may be looking at the birds, but I'm listening to what you're saying in my own way.

00:11:01
And the thing that's really. And one of the reasons why I wanted to talk about it is because I've had just recently, a number of women actually come up to me and ask. We're like, oh, my husband says I'm attention deficit, and blah, blah, blah. One of the things time blindness is. That is a really big thing where you like, I have 20 minutes to leave.

00:11:23
I don't leave because I'm like, oh, I can get 30 things done, and then I'm late. I mean, that is like my life story all the time. And if I. So I'm either, like, really early. Squirrel, baby.

00:11:34
Squirrel's always late. She is, right? Always. Yeah, but I'm either early or. And it's not like a little bit early.

00:11:44
I'm either like 15 minutes early or I'm 5 minutes late. Hang on. I know that's not really early to you. No, no, no. If you're not.

00:11:52
If, if you're not 15 minutes early, you're late. Yes. Well, you have to. You're so conscious of it. But there's things.

00:12:00
And, and this is what I think is really interesting because I was talking to Hahnielle and she's like, how can you sit and listen on podcast and like, and then answer the question after the person's talked five minutes? And I said to her, I've had to work at it really, really hard. I also have had to work really hard at not interrupting people. I've also had to work. Right.

00:12:21
And you have to really work hard because I never wanted to be the, you know, when. When people would say attention deficit, you think of the boy that, like, jumps in front of you as you're talking and is like, you know, just the spaz. And I was always very conscious of that because I never wanted to be that. So I worked really hard. And I do work really hard on not interrupting and listening and not fidgeting in my seat and not like seeming like I'm not listening, because I know those things people are sensitive to.

00:12:48
And. But people think that kid's an. When they. When he does that, right. Like, he's got.

00:12:56
He. He doesn't want to be. He can't. He cannot help it. He can't help himself.

00:13:01
Right? So it's. Let me be clear. You're going to. You know, you've worked your ass off to be able to do that.

00:13:06
But a kid's not trying to be the. I just want to make sure. Make that. And that's clear. He.

00:13:14
It's. He can't help himself. Yeah. And so a lot of times with girls, how it presents is after they start having their period in the hormones, it becomes this. A lot of anxiety, and then it's all internal and it's like, I need to.

00:13:32
You know, then they. They put the pressure on themselves, their homework. All these things have to be done a certain way, and they. Putting more pressure. And if they can't do it, then they start beating themselves up.

00:13:42
So there is like a very big. There is a very big. And it's not Self esteem as much as it can be. But it is a. This thing where it's like this, this mental kind of game you're doing.

00:13:57
Again, I don't think I had them. That's why I kind of laugh sometimes. I'm like, I guess I was more of just the identified on the other side. Jimmy. But because I never really put a lot of pressure on myself to be that perfectionist.

00:14:12
And I think just because it was like not going to happen, so I didn't do it. But there's, there are a lot of females and that's what they say later in life as you become a mom. And that's where we've talked about some of my attention deficit really got me college. We know I was, I was on medication. But a lot of that stuff is where then you start beating yourself up.

00:14:32
Like, why couldn't I do this? Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I do that again? Men do it, but it's in a different way because our chemistry is, you know, I mean, I was just listening back to some episodes we did way in the beginning for some. A parent portal that asked for some, some of our episodes.

00:14:47
And it is really interesting because you. We talk about the difference between men and women so much and the difference between really how a dyslexic brain and ADHD brain works. And it's very similar to that. Different. It's really different.

00:15:04
You know, if it's, you know, obviously men and women are different. We talk, obviously you talk, you know, we talked about. But it's.

00:15:18
Let's understand. You know, again, knowledge is power. Right? You know, how many times you heard me. Relatability.

00:15:24
Right. You know, and that's, we're, we're open on this. That's why we do this podcast. That's why we have these conversations because, you know, you don't, you can't recognize things you don't know or understand. And we're both open, you know, for that reason to hit, oh, my husband, you know, my husband says I'm adhd.

00:15:46
You know, he doesn't, you know, half time. They don't know. It's just a husband, wife, right? You know, yeah, you're out to lunch or, you know, you're shopping again, or you're doing, you know, you're doing that, that. But, you know, we live it every day and that's why we, we talk open and honestly about, about us and about what goes on in our kids and how we're affected so that, you know, the listeners can Relate to it in a.

00:16:09
You know, in a different way that they've never related to things before. Probably like a real time. I mean, one of the things. One of the things that is. And I think we've talked about, like, I can't.

00:16:20
If I put something away, it's gone. Like, it is dead to me. So. And this is 100% an attention deficit thing. And it's really annoying.

00:16:30
It's really annoying for the people around. Like, thank God Hahn is not, like, a neat freak. But I have to, like, if bills are put in a drawer, they're gone. My clothes. If I have clothes in a closet, like, I have a closet and I have a dresser, I don't use really kind of either of them.

00:16:47
I have, like, a pile. Because if they go in the drawer or in the closet, I forget that they're there. And it's. It's literally out of sight, out of mind. And that is such an attention deficit thing.

00:17:00
And it's. It's one of those things that I'm like, eh, it. It is what? It is the same thing over and over again. Well, I mean, that is like, I also will be like, oh, my God, this sweater.

00:17:10
I forgot that I had that two years ago. And Hahn's like, it was in your drawer. You forgot. But I really. It.

00:17:16
I can't. Like, it is. So sometimes it's annoying, though, because I'll be like, oh, God, I can't find. Like, if I've gone on a business trip, I can't find. I have to go buy something new because I can't where what pile I put it and what, like, someone put it away.

00:17:29
Right. Because it was, like, not the season. That sometimes can be annoying and exhausting because I really don't have any sense of that. Again, if a bill is put away or papers are put away, so I have to put things on, like, the bulletin board. I have to, like, stick things to places.

00:17:45
Like, if the kids are like, we need to sign this up. You can't do it now. You have to do it in three weeks. I'm like, I don't forget. So I have to put it somewhere so I don't forget my text messages.

00:17:55
I. But once a week, once every two weeks, I've got to go back to. Yeah. You know, like, you know, 70, 80, 90, 100 text messages back. All right, who did I not respond to?

00:18:07
What did I forget to do? Yep. And that. And that's why we got paper and pen. But that's why it's constantly running through our Heads.

00:18:15
Now, someone could be listening to this and be like, well, I do that and I'm not attention deficit. They're just have like a very busy life, right? I had another friend that just hired an executive functioning coach because she's wild ADHD and her hormones are throwing her ADHD off. And I said to her, what do you think? I said to her, I got somebody for you.

00:18:39
No, I did home your path.

00:18:44
I just, I did that to someone else. No, I actually said to her, okay, there's nothing. Because she's beating herself up like so much. She's like, I started this project. Why can't I just finish what I'm doing?

00:18:58
It's. She's looking for the dopamine, right? She's like, I'm a little bored of this now. I need to start this, I need to start this, I need to start this. And I said to her, you can't put so much pressure on yourself being like, oh my God, I'm a loser because I started this and I didn't finish it.

00:19:12
And again, that is something that I've done a lot of work on and a lot of work around the narrative around it where I don't say, like, if I started something and I didn't finish it, that, oh, I don't beat myself up personally, but I kind of just have to let it go. But that's because I've worked on doing that narrative. So I said to her, you can't. You're. You're looking for dopamine, you're looking for excitement.

00:19:35
That's completely understandable. Like, you have to have some of that in your life. Because what she's doing is she's studying something that she's not loving. But it was one of the things that she picked up. And then all of a sudden it was like, oh, for sake.

00:19:47
Like, I kind of now just waited a year and a half. So she's adding something in to give her a little bit of that dopamine. I said, there's nothing wrong with doing that, but. So why are you beating yourself up? She's like, because there's so many things that she just is not finishing.

00:19:59
So I said to her, you have to make sure that coach, that executive functioning coach has the understanding. Like, they could say, oh, I know how to work because they read it. But then you're going to continue to beat yourself up if it's not working because it's not the way your brain works. The. The coach is actually totally attention deficit herself and, and has figured out how to help and maintain, you know, help clients be able to do this.

00:20:26
But it's the same as, like a therapist as you talk about all the time. 100. You know, thank goodness they. They do have it, because that's just that piece that if you don't have it, you don't understand. Whenever it's.

00:20:41
Whenever I say paper and pen, there's notes and, you know, lists and that, you know, because if I don't see it gone, see you later. You know, that's why, you know, I'm. My email. I always got to go back, you know, like I said, once a week or once every two weeks, my email. What did I miss?

00:21:00
Go back. I did that. What do I. What. You know, what.

00:21:04
What did I miss? You know, because if not brains, you know, I always say our brains are a blender, you know, on our plane. Brains are always on high. No, when that's on high, try and get a straw, Try and put your hand in there and grab a strawberry. That's like us trying to grab an idea and doing it.

00:21:25
I like that a little bit. A little bloody in there.

00:21:31
Let's do a blender with no blades. You know, it's a. Spinning. You know, it's. You know, what is it, the tilt world or what?

00:21:37
You know, it's just spinning. I liked that. It's. You can't. We can't get going.

00:21:44
These, you know, these things just spin and spin and spin. It's. It's not a thinking issue. Oh, we think, right? It's a doing.

00:21:55
It's getting going. It's. So you talk about your high schooler or kid in college who has it. They need you to grab their hand and start walking them to that project or, you know, to that homework or to that. To get.

00:22:12
To get. To get started. That's. We don't have anybody grabbing our hand, and we just spin and spin and spin. And we think we can spin and do 55 different things because we don't have one thing leading and, you know, leading the charge.

00:22:27
That's where that time blindness comes in. That's where it comes. And then that dopamine is. We're creating that dopamine. The whole time it's spinning, right?

00:22:36
And you have. And that's the beauty of the human brain is that you figured out, okay, I need to go back and look because I'll miss something, right? I found. And I know you've heard me talk about it because I've tried to create one for the foundation, a trello board. Because in the business that I'm doing, everyone has things that like, okay, here's the to do list.

00:22:56
I don't like to do lists because I usually lose them. Or there's. It's. This trello board is like, where all things that I need to have certain times. And it's just good because then I can go back instead of having it replaying in my mind.

00:23:11
Because that's when. Then the anxiety comes in, right? If you're replaying. If you have too much going on and then you're replaying, replaying, replaying. You know, my, you know, and I'll explain.

00:23:20
My side is I hate technology. You know. You know that drill boards, you know, a great idea. And that's what, you know, these conversation is. It's.

00:23:31
It's having all these wet paces. You know, it's. I don't like doing things on my phone, like, yeah, text message, or you're, like, doing that kind of stuff. But to put anything on my phone of that sort, where I gotta go back to, you know, to that, you know, let's use the drill board example. I don't like that.

00:23:52
I don't. You know, I don't. You know, I get it. Because it doesn't. It.

00:23:56
You don't comprehend it. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't go. You have to put that pen and paper to be able to comprehend it.

00:24:02
And, and. And this is where. What's interesting is that there is something where, you know, in with dyslexia, we talk about the reading programs and then how the reading programs can actually help, right? You. They actually do work, right?

00:24:18
There's things with attention deficit that they do work. It's giving ourselves, like, kind of like the grace to find it and allow it to work. To say, you know what? I actually need a little help here. This isn't feeling good.

00:24:30
And then figuring out strategies to help. That is what life is about, period. Whether you have anything, right? No cookie cutter, one or two. Exactly.

00:24:38
And acknowledging. This is where we always like acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, things that you have to work on. There's nothing wrong with saying, yeah, I actually, like, have a pile of clothes. You know, do I shove them in places when we have people come over? Yes, I do.

00:24:53
Can we talk about your kitchen?

00:24:59
That's still like my favorite thing. I love talking about this. So it's the most amazing thing ever. So I. We've also come to the conclusion, the reason why I really don't like to cook is partly of my attention deficit, because I cannot follow any of that.

00:25:16
And I like putting. Having a couple things on the stove. Forget it. I'm overcooking under that. There's no enjoyment.

00:25:23
Like, people are like, oh, it relaxes. No, I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. And it's really because of. Following those kind of things is just. That is really not my attention deficit.

00:25:34
So my kids. Cause they know that I don't love to cook. So they've become pretty okay cooks, because when they were kids, I did, and it sucked. Hahn usually is the cook, but he's in the city a few days a week now. And so when we have the cleaning lady, if someone hasn't done their pots, I shove them in the oven.

00:25:54
Hang on, let's go back first. So when they cook, they're supposed to clean, right? I mean, yeah, because you're not. I am not. I didn't use it.

00:26:06
Why am I going to clean it? So now lead into what you just said. Yes. And I also get to say, because now it was like, okay, yes, I was to stay at home, but I'm sorry, you're going to. If you're going to make a mess, you clean it up.

00:26:19
I'm not like, I'm not. I'm not following you around and cleaning your shit up. Right? You got to. You got to get to teach these kids some stuff.

00:26:27
So, right. If they cook and they leave it on the stove, I, once a week, shove everything on the stove, on the counter, in the oven so I don't have to clean it. And it's not the cleaning lady's job. She's there to help me kind of organize and keep things that are not so crazy. Because I don't like any of that.

00:26:47
And I. That's. I will. I'll get a third job to do that. I don't care.

00:26:52
Now, let's. Let's. Let's ask this. Why do women clean? For the cleaners?

00:27:00
Okay, so I thought you're paying them to clean. So why is it that women have to clean before the cleaner? They shouldn't say that everybody in the house better clean because. Because woman's losing her mind because the cleaner stomach. Okay, please elaborate on that for me, please.

00:27:18
I don't get that. Okay, so it's not the cleaning lady's job. Well, no, no. To, like, pick up after your messes. Like, there's a level of it, right?

00:27:32
Like, yes, if I get stuck and I'm like, oh, you know, Olivia, do you mind? There's a couple pots, but like, no, the kids should be doing their own stuff. Like, I'm not having her empty the dishwasher like that. There's things that the kids. I'm not saying that the kids.

00:27:44
You know, this is. What's her job then? Is that not clue. Is that not cleaning? Yes, it is, and it probably is, because maybe it's a little messier than you actually want the cleaning lady to witness, and so you don't want her to think that.

00:27:59
So I think it's probably that. There comes the key. We finally got there. We had to dig a little extra at this.

00:28:08
Yeah. Okay. Right. During the week, because I'm not down, following everyone around, cleaning things up. And everyone is a bit of a tornado in my world, that it's like, okay, so how long does it take you to clean for the cleaners before you pay her to clean?

00:28:28
I mean, it depends. It depends on the. I mean, the kids will take all their stuff on their floor and now put it on their beds.

00:28:39
Like, I've taught them pretty well. It's. I mean, I remember Angela used to stuff her. Stuff her drawers. Yeah.

00:28:48
I mean, a half an hour, 40 minutes. Yeah. I mean, it's not like 10 minutes. It's ridiculous. It is actually ridiculous.

00:28:55
But you know what? It is what it is. So then what does she actually do while she's at your house? She does a more of a deep clean. Not a deep clean, but she'll get like, I'll, like, just straighten up because there's.

00:29:06
There's papers, as I said. Like, the mail comes, I need to make it. Sure. It's in a pile so it's not all over, you know, on the counter. So then she can clean the counter.

00:29:16
I know it sounds like there's a. And it's not usually that much of a shit show, but if I have a busy week and I'm not doing anything and the kids and everyone's doing their own thing, I'll come down sometimes I'm like, what the fuck? It's like, you're baking, you're doing this, you're cleaning. And. No.

00:29:34
Yeah. So I mean, that's. That's a lot of insight into the house.

00:29:40
And I was going to say something to. Right, so the oven. That's my favorite thing, though, because now. Does that give you a satisfactory. It does.

00:29:48
I. Well, because it annoys everyone. Everyone gets annoyed. They're like, where's this pot now? They don't anymore.

00:29:54
I mean, it's been years, but they. You stuff the pots in the ovens dirty. So that the cleaning lady can clean. Yeah. So she doesn't have to.

00:30:05
So she doesn't have to clean those pots. It's not her. I don't think that's her job. That's not fair. I'd rather have her fold laundry.

00:30:11
I'd rather have her fold laundry, because I hate that. And the kids need to clean their own pots. So let's talk about the hatred of folding laundry and doing dishes. Where do they. Where do those two stand?

00:30:22
Because, oh, I'd rather do dishes. I hate folding laundry. Hate it. I don't mind doing. When was the last time you had a matching pair of socks?

00:30:32
Actually, right now. Come on. I swear I do. How did that happen? I totally.

00:30:40
I'm gonna show you. Because I had a pile that the cleaning lady folded for me, and she put them together. So here's one and here's two. It's. Oh, forever, but.

00:30:55
So that's what I love. And you know what? Actually, one of the times Truman was saying in Connecticut, one of his favorite memories when he was little, we had this cleaning lady named Kathy who. Oh, my God, I loved Kathy. She was the best.

00:31:07
And she was, like, really good. I mean, I had three little kids, and she was like, you know, juliet, I will do this. Don't worry. So she would fold, and the kids. Remember we talked about.

00:31:17
They would dress themselves, so they would just pull everything out of their drawers, right? Like, I want that shirt. Whatever. Like, little monsters. And she would.

00:31:26
She loved organizing their drawers. So she would literally put them in, like, color coordinated, and she would. She would spend a whole day with us, and she was, like, the nicest, sweetest woman. And. And she would sometimes bring her, like, little niece, and the niece would play, and so she was just, like, organized, and she would organize their drawers, and Truman said.

00:31:48
He's like, it's still, like, one of my favorite memories, coming home from school and my drawers being organized. And I was like, right. But then two seconds later, you would be throwing things out to find the orange shirt. He's like, yeah, but there was a satisfaction about it, because no one's folding his clothes and putting them in his drawers unless it's him. I'm not doing that.

00:32:07
You're not doing that. No. No, I'm not. Molly making Molly Maker. Who the do you think I am?

00:32:12
Well, I stayed home. You do as I tell you. As I said when I came. When I stayed home, I said that there's things that I'm really good at and things I'm really not good at. And Being a homemaker.

00:32:26
I am. No, I'm really not. I'm really not good at that. Martha Stewart. No, no, no.

00:32:35
Not. Not even the slightest. But I was gonna say something before you got into the oven. What were you gonna say? I don't remember now.

00:32:43
And it was really good. I'm. Oh, I think it was the all or nothing.

00:32:51
Oh, but there's the Molly maker side of you. It's been nothing. There's never been an all. Oh, no, I know. Except there was.

00:33:02
I mean, I said I used to do chicken surprise. I mean, I had to cook like five days a week when Hahn was in. What did you just say? A chicken surprise? I've never talked about chicken surprise.

00:33:12
What the fuck's a chicken surprise? Wait, this is really. This is really showing really my great. No, please, please tell me. Chicken surprise.

00:33:21
Oh. Talking about the weaknesses and strengths. Okay, so Hahn worked in the city and super healthy. Like, I cooked super healthy. But basically the kids are like, tree hugger.

00:33:33
Yeah. But they were like, there's no taste to it because I don't know how to use spices right. Or I'd put all the wrong spices in it. I would just literally put it on the stove and just be like, oh, I'm just going to dump a bunch of shit in it. So for years, five days a week, I would make the kids something.

00:33:54
Usually it was like, probably like pasta, and I would put vegetables in it. And then the one day they were like, we go to other people's houses and no one has vegetables in their pasta. I was like, damn it. I used to do, like, olive oil, and that was like that. Or, you know, I mean, like simple things.

00:34:07
But, like, I was not making three course meals. But for Hahn, I couldn't make him, like, pasta with vegetables. So I would make chicken, and usually it was chicken, and it was whatever vegetable. Because I loved whole foods. I would go to whole.

00:34:20
So I had all fresh. I mean, I had great ingredients. And I would shove everything in a. It's like the lay croisset. I don't even think I'm saying it right, but, like, almost like the.

00:34:30
The big, heavy pots. I would shove it. Yeah. Shovel all of the stuff in there and then I would Whatever. Like, if it was like a salad dressing or.

00:34:40
And the surprise was you didn't know what vegetable or sauce was going to be on it. And the surprise was, is the chicken going to be so overcooked that it's so dry or wasn't going to be slightly raw.

00:34:56
So for years, poor Hahn would Come home and be like, okay, thanks. So I see why he's the cook now. Well, no, he was always the cook, but I, I mean, he didn't get home until 8 or whatever, so. He didn't. Yes.

00:35:12
And I want to say I was a little bit better. I mean, my sister and I were at like, our kids were young, so she would give me recipes. I would have friends. Were they in cookbooks? We're cleaning the kitchen the other day, finding cookbooks.

00:35:24
Remember the, the good days? Yeah, yeah. And crock pot stuff. I would, I could fuck up a crock pot recipe probably. How can you fuck up a crock pot recipe?

00:35:34
I don't know. I could fuck up a crop. Yep.

00:35:40
So there's a little insight of all my, my constraints. But the all or nothing, Because I do want to talk about that. And it is. The all or nothing is. I really do think that is a big attention deficit trait that is not talked about as much because there's no turn off switch.

00:36:05
Do you have a turn off switch? Go for one beer, 100. No. I know back in the day, so like you didn't have a turn off switch either, right? Well, it was this or that.

00:36:15
You know, there was no. I can have one or two or. No, no, I know you have your candy. I, but I don't, I, I would eat that whole thing in one day and then feel like crap and want to die. It's sour.

00:36:30
So as I eat, you know, three or four, you know, then I get sour and I'm like, right. So we, we had a whole bag of Reese's Pieces last night, right?

00:36:52
Yeah.

00:36:56
But do you agree with me that you think attention deficit, there's an all or nothing component to that or is that more of a personality thing? No, I agree with you. And it's the dopamine, right? Yeah. We keep chasing it, right?

00:37:10
We keep chasing it. We like something. Right. We're diving into it. We're succeeding.

00:37:18
There's hope. We're just chasing. We keep going down that rabbit. We keep chasing. It's all or nothing.

00:37:23
Is it comes down to that dopamine chase? Yeah. I have to work like really hard not to. Oh, it's, it's a full time job to not to. Because we're.

00:37:40
No, we're chasing that. You know, that dopamine. You know, I always, you know, obviously I always say sex, drugs, rock and roll, people always laughing. But that's, we did crazy things like that. And when you're succeeding at something, you're all in on something.

00:37:55
Or it feels good to be all in on something and succeeding and getting that dopamine. So it's hard, it's a full time job not to be able to not go down that hole and chase that. Yeah. And I think that there's again, there's like extremes. But we, like my friends and I will always laugh like, I never had like one popsicle.

00:38:15
Oh, no. Like I would have to have the whole box. Like, I never had one piece of candy. Like I would have to eat the whole bag. And I would sit there and even if it sat there, it would be like, I'd be like, oh my God, don't have it.

00:38:25
You can't have it. Just have one. Just have one. Same with alcohol, you know, Like, I never had one. Like people, well just, you have to have one glass.

00:38:32
And I'm like, no, I have one glass. And then my brain's like, oh my God, oh my God, am I want more. Two hands for a reason. I need two beers. Right, right, right.

00:38:42
But that is something that when kids are little because again, that active versus hyperactivity, it's very different. You can be active but not be like and, and be one of those kids that can't sit still but not have attention deficit. So there are like very specific things. And so I think that, you know, our society now, because everyone is so all over the place doing all these things, there's some, some misdiagnosis. I mean there is things that are very key to being attention deficit.

00:39:16
I remember when this had been a couple years ago, probably. Yeah, probably a couple good. Two or three years ago, I was in the doctor's office and I was talking to the nurse about how many people are in, you know, come to the office, their adhd. And I, I started talking about dopamine and all these kind of things. She looked at me, she goes, you know a lot about this because you've said things that I don't even know.

00:39:45
So it's.

00:39:48
People are getting, getting diagnosed by doctors that, you know, some of them don't even, don't even really have a full understanding what, what this all is, you know, and what, you know, why you prescribe me? Is it Adderall? Is it, is it Vyvanse? Is it Concerta? Is it Ritalin?

00:40:13
You know, are you doing capsules? Are you doing 24 hour lace? You're doing, you know, she was looking at me like, she goes, how do you know all this stuff? And why I say that is just a prime example of, you know, what, what the foundation is I talk to people, give them the full understanding of what all that is, then you make the best decision for, for yourself or your child. I'm not.

00:40:36
Yeah. I'm not telling you what to do with your child, but I want to give you the full information that is out there and why these drugs are a gateway drug. Because I've lived it. So that's why I talk open Santa. But she's.

00:40:54
It was kind of shocking for her to say that I know more than she is, you know and she's a nurse and I know more than some of the doctors that she's worked with. And when regarding this information. Yeah, well, I mean. Because that's the thing. Because it is.

00:41:15
There's so much out there and that is. I mean with attention deficit. You know, there's so much out there's been over the years. I mean that is one thing that has been diagnosed but there's also. It's been very misdiagnosed.

00:41:26
I mean I've known people that they put their kid on meds and they like the kid literally was like the zombie, right. Because the teacher's like, oh, they can't sit still and let's. Let's over medicate. And that, I mean that just kills me every time I'm like, oh my God. Like you.

00:41:42
You have to be able to know. You have to. And that was you know, and I think you know to cutting to jump in there. You. We talked last episode of Schools for kids with learning Disorders.

00:41:56
The ones the one school. The one family came to me and said there's eight kids in the class.

00:42:05
If I ask the other seven kids the question first and ask him last. I've gotta, I've gotta ask him. I gotta ask him the question first because he doesn't remember he's adhd. What the are you talking about? Yes, of course, you idiot.

00:42:21
So that tell you. I'm like. I told the family. I said these people have no idea. Because her request was to give him more medicine.

00:42:29
Right. You. You gotta ask me that? Yeah. And that's so that's you know offer responding to our last time we talked about, you know, going to schools with you know, if that's the slice if it's a you know, learning differences or just for dyslexia or whatever.

00:42:50
You have to remember because there's a prime example. She has zero clue about ADHD and she came back and wanted to up medicines. Right. Which is just so like. And I, and I'm not going to get specific on this, but I Knew a child that was in a school and came home to their parent and said, I think there's.

00:43:13
Everyone takes, like, everyone goes to the nurse to take meds. I'm the only one. Yeah. And. And it is, again, if it's for your family and it's the only thing.

00:43:23
But there's other homeopathic stuff. But there's other things in the world that you can do to. To help. Not saying that. That.

00:43:33
You know, I think you need to know your body, you need to know your child's body, you need to know your family and all of those things before you can make that educated decision on meds versus not meds. Yeah. Again. Again, we just. I, you know, I tell.

00:43:47
Tell these stories because I've lived it right. And I live the rehab situation. I live the gateway drug situation. What I just said, for a prime example, the teacher, she doesn't have it. She's getting paid.

00:44:00
She doesn't care about the kids. She wants him medicated more, so it makes her job easier. Not for the kid. And that. Right.

00:44:08
Then that's where the education and talking needs to happen. Right. I'm gonna leave it at that. That was. That was an attention deficit episode.

00:44:20
I hope you guys enjoyed that. I was cleaning.

00:44:25
Oh, my God. Now everyone's like, oh, wow. We know what I mean. Yeah. When people laugh and they're like, you have it all together.

00:44:31
And I'm like, open my door. He's like, how's your brain? I'm like, at some. I'm like, you wouldn't want to spend five minutes in his head. Yeah.

00:44:39
If everyone just saw my desk right now. But. And I'm so. I. I do want to say some people can live a little bit more in chaos like this.

00:44:47
My. My piles don't stress me out. They stress other people out. They don't. Not in my house.

00:44:53
I'm actually very fortunate that everyone, like. I don't. Hahn is, like, fine with them. I know friends that. The opposite.

00:44:59
Right. Their husband or wife are, like, neat freaks. And it's like, everyone's on each other's, like, if my kids want to have a messy room, I don't have a messy room. Just close your door. I don't care.

00:45:10
Well, you know, another. You know, on the last topic is most people, you know, in stressful situations with ADHD handle them better because we give off different.

00:45:25
Dopamine isn't the right word into our brain in a stressful situation. Stressful situation with adhd, people actually calm us down rather than give us the Anxiety, Exact opposite of what everybody else is. So, yeah, in very stressful, very stressful situations, we actually calm down and are able to handle the situation better than other people because of what it triggers in the brain isn't adrenaline doesn't have something to do with that or cortisol or something. It's got to do with all of them. But there's one that triggers, you know, into.

00:46:00
Into the brain. I can't remember what it is to calm us down. So, yeah, stressful situation. That's why, you know, you know, in jobs and all this stuff, yeah. We look like we're completely disasters, but when it comes to those stressful situations, we handle it.

00:46:14
That's the reason why. Yeah, we, like, move through it smoothly. You could see like, if you picture like a slow motion kind of someone's life and like, slow motion of like, oh, wait, that looks a mess. And all of a sudden there's like a massive attack catastrophe. And that person that's like, seeming like they're a little spazzy is like, I got this.

00:46:33
Exactly. You knew exactly what my slow motion thing was. All right, well, we're gonna leave it at that. And if you have a question, if you have attention deficit, if you were able to follow this and you weren't like, oh, boy, you probably have attention deficit. We self diagnosed too.

00:46:54
Thank you for joining another episode of word blindness, Dyslexia exposed. I. You know what? I say it every single time, like, rate, review, and share. Because you don't know who doesn't know if they ever.

00:47:10
All right, thanks, Brent, for recording on a Wednesday. Thanks, Molly. Maid.