S3E15: The Self-Esteem Struggle - Building Resilience for Dyslexic Kids

If you're feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of understanding dyslexia and its impact on learning, then you are not alone! Dive into a candid conversation that sheds light on the struggles and triumphs of dyslexia, and gain valuable insights that could make a world of difference for you or someone you know. Don't miss out on this eye-opening exploration!

The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:02 - Introduction and Setting the Stage 

00:00:47 - The Value of Audiobooks 

00:02:30 - Different Learning Styles 

00:03:56 - Personalized Learning Approaches 

00:12:43 - Overcoming Challenges 

00:13:09 - Struggling with comprehension 

00:15:00 - Audiobooks and learning 

00:17:34 - Daily communication challenges 

00:22:03 - Uncomfortable experiences and building self-confidence 

00:25:52 - Different mindsets 

00:26:03 - Understanding Personality Traits and Self-Esteem 

00:28:08 - The Impact of Childhood Traumas on Self-Esteem 

00:29:57 - Overcoming Obstacles and Building Self-Esteem 

00:33:18 - Navigating through Daily Challenges and Anxiety 

00:38:51 - Addressing Learning Challenges and Trauma 

00:40:05 - The Myth of Perfectionism 

00:41:11 - Understanding Behavioral Disorders 

00:42:15 - Addressing Trauma and Its Effects 

00:43:52 - Recognizing Signs of Distress in Children 

00:51:23 - Parenting and Individuality 

00:54:01 - SeaWorld Controversy 

00:54:23 - Museums and Art 

00:55:35 - Childhood Memories 

00:56:45 - Building Confidence 

00:57:27 - Podcast and Foundation Promotion

 

Transcript:

00:00:02
Welcome back to Word Blindness, Dyslexia Exposed. This is Juliet Hahn here with my co host, Brent Sopel. How are you? Oh, I'm excited to hear what you got to say. Well, we've been now chatting and you're like, will you just hit play?

00:00:18
I mean, we. I just said so many things. We went on, like, five different topics. We could talk about homeschooling. We could talk about adhd.

00:00:28
We could talk about audiobooks and how people don't think that they're. That's actually reading. Yo, let's go there. Because that's when you got fired up the most. So there was a post on social media, and I've heard this for years, people would say, oh, well, if you're listening to a book, it's not really reading.

00:00:47
And it. I actually, every time I say it, I get angry, like, really angry, because it is reading. You're just doing in a different way. You're learning in a different way. You're learning through a skill set that's stronger than your skill set of reading.

00:01:02
And it's interesting because you don't do audiobooks or podcasts or something like that, right? None. No. No audiobooks, Podcasts. I don't think I've listened to a full podcast before.

00:01:21
I. I don't know. So obviously for me, paper and pen is the biggest thing, right? We talk about this all the time on my walls, paper and pen with me everywhere I go. I don't retain the information unless you write it that way or read it.

00:01:41
Or do you have to read it, too, to retain it off of a piece of paper? Yeah, that's how I have to. That's why I have to print out. Ran out of paper the other day because I'm always printing anything out. Obviously, we're talking about the, you know, the golf event, right?

00:01:54
Trying to go, I've got to print it off and highlight. I got highlighters and pens everywhere like I'm two years old. But that's the only way. So it's touching and feeling it. Reading a die off, you know, off the computer.

00:02:08
I can't. If we had to make adjustments to that deck. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not getting it.

00:02:14
You know, it's as we had this conversation the other day, how am I going to get that information? Right? So it's. We get our information in different ways, Right. You know, I don't get it that way.

00:02:30
And learning. We've had this conversation. I'm probably on here is people, you know, what have you gone back to educate yourself more, you know, in the education world of schooling, since it sucked for me. And obviously I say never. Not a fucking chance.

00:02:47
Because of my traumas. Right. Do I dive into dyslexia and self research? Yeah, completely different than, you know, having to go back and do a class for an example or online seminar or to grow the. I don't know what the right term education siren of me.

00:03:09
Yeah, no, well, the, the. The knowledge of you.

00:03:15
So it's people reading is getting information and how do you get it?

00:03:29
Okay, everybody gets differently. Well, and this brings actually, because I was talking, I was at the gym and I was talking to my trainer who actually is like, she has to write everything down and she's not dyslexic. So this, I want people to think about this in their minds for a second. And as we've talked about, we, you know, obviously we talk a lot about dyslexia and the 5Ds and how people learn when they have these learning disabilities. But let's think about how you learn specifically.

00:03:56
If you're listening to this, like, think about how you learn and you retain. So are you someone that needs to write it down to retain? Are you someone that needs to read as Brent like off of a piece of paper? And this is what fascinates me so much because I was 100% like that I had to rewrite my, like if out of a book like in, in college. And this is what took so long.

00:04:15
But like, if I was studying something, I would have to take it out of the book and write it down in a notepad for me to retain it. And that's how I learned. Now here's the thing is I know Montgomery, that's the way he does it, but he's so dysgraphic. So it's almost like this. It's almost like a, a real.

00:04:33
And so are you. That's like such like think about that for a second. That's such a mind fuck like, to be able to like, okay, how I learn. But then I have another learning disability in the way I learn best. And it's hard for me to then go back and read what I'm writing.

00:04:51
But sometimes it's that, that actual like forming the letters and putting them on paper. But when you're really dysgraphic, your mind also is trying to figure out how to form the letters. It almost helps on, you know, again, it doesn't do it, you know, for, you know, visual purposes. That hand motion almost takes the wire and connects it. Like, think of A cord, an outlet so that we could get that information again.

00:05:19
And this is we most people don't know how, you know they get their information. You know we talk about the, you know, the five love language. Everybody's got different love language. What is yours? You know, how do you get information and this is what you talk about all the time is most people don't know there's another way.

00:05:41
Sam drove 10 miles. I don't know where the fuck Sam is. Show me where Sam is. I'm a visual like I've got yo I have to otherwise no clue in your, you know, in, in year one, out, the other, no idea. Right.

00:05:59
So you know an instruction to go and do something. Zero clue. And that's the biggest thing to the world is how do you get your information. You, you know, corporate America, everybody's obviously emails and guidelines and I'm HR's worth nightmare, right? But I can't do that for many different reasons.

00:06:35
Oh yeah but you know, so you know you get these 10 page novels of email. What a fucking chance could I do that? Right? No. And it's really fascinating because as I said to you that's how I used to be.

00:06:49
And then there was something and I don't, I want to say it was in the Palm Pilot years when I worked in corporate America and I used this Palm Pilot and I for some reason because I was able to write it but it was still electronic that my brain did a switch. And so I can. However what I'm learning is like what I'm doing is also things I really like, right? So like if I went back and tried to like study something that I didn't like, would I have to go back to pen and paper? It would be, it would be interesting to think I'm not going back so we're not going to fucking know.

00:07:18
But somebody asked me a question the other day. I mean you know, can you do that rather than on the pen and paper.

00:07:28
I've never tried it. And then I got to carry pampy or whatever the fuck you called it. Yeah, well, so that I know. So I think, I think it was Laura that actually because she was asking me and I was like so there is something very interesting in that and I do think with when you're comfortable with what you're doing. So you're like why am I going to change it?

00:07:47
Right? Like if I'm comfortable with it, why am I going to change it? And others might say well there's technology that can actually help you maybe get like we Always talk about hitting that ceiling. And then is there another thing that you can hit another ceiling? So like, if someone sat with you and helped you.

00:08:01
Go ahead. No, actually I was just gonna. Because that leads into, you know what your conversation with Truman on Friday remind me, you know, different anxieties for dyslexic. You know, talking about. So it's.

00:08:22
And we're talking about that meeting I had. Obviously me going somewhere. I'm hours early. And I shared this. You know, one of my John Tracy is.

00:08:34
I walk into a room, I scan where I can sit. Obviously, you know, there's always the furthest away from the teacher. It's always where my back is against the wall so nobody can see how I'm writing and what I'm writing. Right.

00:08:54
You know, I would never last if I had my back to, you know, to the door. Right. So somebody could walk in and be looking over my shoulder. Never. I'd never die.

00:09:04
Hang myself.

00:09:07
Combinations. Right? Put kids in the front. No. So that everybody can walk by and look at you.

00:09:15
Oh, look at your writing. You're an idiot.

00:09:21
And I'll always have. Instead of having it like flat on a desk, I'll have it kind of on my lap to hide it too. More.

00:09:31
Yeah. And that brings me to when we were in that meeting at that college and you and I both sat down and we both were. The anxiety that I like that we both had because it was like, oh, wow. It's. It.

00:09:44
It just comes in such different ways. And one of the things. So this weekend, Penelope wanted me to watch the series with her. She's been begging, begging to watch it. I'm not gonna even say the name of the series.

00:09:56
But she's like, it's really sad. I almost threw up. I cried so hard. And I was like, I don't want to watch it. Why do I want to watch this?

00:10:02
She's like, please. I know, I know. Yeah. She's like, please. She's like, mom, it's so good.

00:10:08
And I was like, okay. It doesn't sound very good. This is where you go 100% women are fucked. Right? I credit.

00:10:14
Almost puked. But let's. It was so good. How do those words all line together? How do they go together?

00:10:19
No, no, they're. It's so good. Like, the pain's so good. I want more. Yeah, that's my day.

00:10:24
When I get wake up. It brings emotions, especially for a teenager. I remember listening to sad songs, you know, because I really want emotion. Right. That's what I want now.

00:10:34
More Emotion. Can I have it, please?

00:10:39
So here. This is. Wait, wait. Wait until you hear this. She's like, but it's in subtitles.

00:10:44
I said, honey, I said, this first of all, sounds like my worst nightmare. I said, are you kidding me? I said, I want. Because I know how much you love this, and I want. But, like, you're telling me that you almost threw up, and then you're telling me I have to read it.

00:10:57
I was like, do you understand how awful you're painting this picture? So here. Here's a question. If I want to watch a movie, I'm Watch a movie. I'm not going to fucking read a movie.

00:11:09
And I remember, I think, the first one. What was it? Hidden Dragon, Crouching Tiger or something? Yeah, that is. You know, I'm.

00:11:17
I think that was the first time I've ever seen something. I'm like, I walked. I'm like, what the fuck is this? No. Oh, my God.

00:11:23
I can totally see you. No. Yeah, so just paint this. So I was like, so Hahn was away this weekend with Montgomery, and Truman was out. And I was like, okay.

00:11:34
Like, I want to hang out with her, right? So I'm like, okay, I'm going to give it a try. But. But. So this is what she said to me before.

00:11:39
She's like, well, maybe I'll read it to you. And I was like, okay, if you. If you. Like, you're giving me every option not to be like, no, I'm not doing it. So I will.

00:11:49
I will do this for you. I think you're going to have to. She's like, well, can you try? Like, when you first start, like, try. And I was like, fine.

00:11:56
It. Oh, my God, Brent, you would have died because I started reading it. And then I was like, first of all, it went faster than, like, I could read it. Then I was like, so it probably was like, five slides. I was like, you have to pause.

00:12:11
And she's like, what? And I was like, I am focusing so much on the words that I'm actually. I can't. I cannot do this for five hours. Whatever how long this thing is.

00:12:19
I cannot. I was like, I will fucking die. But I was like, pips, I'm not understanding what's happening. Like, I literally can't tell you what I just read or what's happening. And she's like, okay, I'll read it to you.

00:12:28
So literally, we watched five episodes, and she read to me as I listen. As I listened. And I have to say, it is. It is very sad, and it is. It Is good.

00:12:43
But that doesn't go hand in hand. That doesn't go together. No, it does, but there's a lot. It's a lot of, like, there's salty and sweet. You too, too.

00:12:54
I don't like salty and sweet, sailor. Those two don't go together. But this. Right, so. But what Stopped me in my tracks for a Second again, I'm 51.

00:13:03
I was like, oh, my God. I. And I have done other subtitle things in the past, slightly. I really don't. Like.

00:13:09
I mean, I really, really don't. But I could not. I was like, I don't even know what I just read, and I don't even know what's gonna happen. There's no way I can do it. I'm not.

00:13:17
I'm focusing so much on the words, reading the words that I. And so she. And Penelope really tries to understand sometimes. She does, and then she doesn't. But she was like, oh.

00:13:25
And I was like, I'm not comprehending what is happening. Like, that's part of my dyslexia. I can read it, but I'm not comprehending it. So I don't know what's going on. And so in one year or the other.

00:13:36
Yeah, it's just a word. The. You know, whatever. And so she's like. I was like, so I know you want, like, there to be emotion stirred in me.

00:13:42
It. There's gonna be no emotion stirred in me because it's not. It's not. It's not perfect. Yeah, I know.

00:13:49
But she's like, you can't go on your phone. Like, so I like. She's like, no. No phones. We like Nazi Jesus.

00:13:56
Well, because she really wanted me to. She really. This is like. This is something that means a lot to her, this series. If anyone wants to know, you can DM me on the side, but I'm not gonna talk about it on here.

00:14:10
Very interesting. But it did take me back for a second because I was like, I can't. I can't do this. No, I was like. Because I literally can't.

00:14:19
I'm not saying that I can't, because I'm trying to get out of watching it. I literally cannot comprehend what is happening. It's even like if you're. They put up a. A headline or, you know, Of Company or what, you know?

00:14:32
You know, I'm telling. Stop. Like, what? You know. Yeah.

00:14:36
No, but that's how many times we read and I'm watching a movie are two different things. They don't go. They do not Go together. They don't. Nope.

00:14:47
So that's what brings me to audiobooks. It's how we learn. But not everyone, even certain dyslexics, that is still. They might still have to read it. Some dyslexics need to read it and see it.

00:15:00
They need to look at the words as they're hearing it. And some can just listen. I sometimes need to do both. It really depends. But if I'm listening to an audiobook, that's not like a complex.

00:15:11
Like, it's just light. I can audiobooks. I do. I fucking. A lot of people.

00:15:16
That's why there's something called audible. Oh, my God. There's so. A lot of people listen to fucking audio. I love to.

00:15:22
I actually enjoy listening to a good. A good. When do you. When do you listen to audiobooks?

00:15:29
So it depends. Sometimes when I'm walking, the boxers. Other times when I'm driving. Those are usually the two times. So the cars.

00:15:38
Cars for talking? Yeah. Well, it depends if I'm in or the airplane. Well, you fucking friend everybody. You walk in, you're friends with everybody.

00:15:49
Hey, I got my attention hat on. And here we go. Oh, here's 250. My closest friends. There isn't a flight where you don't tell me you made friends with somebody.

00:15:57
They're plane friends. They're not close friends. They're plane friends. Very different. I actually.

00:16:03
The episode that just went out, I was dying because you made fun of me so bad. And I was. If you have not. If you need a laugh, listen to the last episode that went out. And when this goes out, OB2 before, because you were in a mood and I was really tired and I was in a mood and we like bickering.

00:16:22
It's really funny. No, but that is. When I Listen to me, I'd be so pissed. No, I wouldn't talk to you if you did not seem like you wanted to. I promise you.

00:16:32
I promise you. If you do not seem like you want to chat. I don't chat. You. I actually have.

00:16:36
I'm very intuitive and know when people want to talk and when people don't want to talk. I don't initiate many of the plane friends, by the way. I. I will fucking bet you so much money. No, that's why you wear attention hat.

00:16:49
No, I don't wear the attention hat. I actually don't wear hats except winter hats. Anyways. Attention deficit man. It is where I do.

00:17:02
I usually listen to. That's like the times that I do. And if I'm in Business mode. I don't talk to anyone and I don't give off that I want to talk. And you know, that's, you know, I spend 24 hours down the phone, right?

00:17:16
It's talking to parents, it's talking to y'all. You know, people bought dyslexia, you know, so it's. That's all I do is, is, is talk. Oh about the foundation, you know that it's non stop. You know, it's not non stop for me.

00:17:34
It's. But technology, you know, serious. Siri's racist, you know, so why would I use her? She doesn't listen to what I say. Because you're Canadian.

00:17:50
No, but I would actually one of these days, if you're open to it, I would one time that I'm in Chicago, I would love to get. And just see because my dad was also like, my dad has to write everything down, but he, I mean he, my dad loves to try to get all the new technologies because he just. That's just him and here, you know, and, and to back, you know, you know, the point of, you know, paper pan for me, we're not very adventurous, right? And that's what the conversation was, you know, on Friday, you know, I didn't finish that part is we are not adventurous or the same thing at the same restaurant. Like for me, I turn on, you know, the same channel used to be the same shows or golf.

00:18:32
I won't change on. I won't turn anything on. You know, our days are so hard of wondering what's around the next corner. How am I going to have to lie? How am I going to have to fake my way out of this thing?

00:18:42
The anxiety that goes with every day. So it's. We're the same food, yo. We don't. Because our days are so hard already.

00:18:57
I'll just try something new. No, what comes with that is failure. And that's what we've had our whole life is being failed and let down. So saying you tried something at a new restaurant, it was terrible. Yo, most people.

00:19:14
I won't do it again. The hurt that comes with that brings you back to childhood. So we know what grab or know what you want or you can do this. So back to paper pen for me maybe that I could do it that way. But I'm not going to try and find out just in case because what if it doesn't?

00:19:39
Then I failed, right? Or if you can't do it. And I so appreciate that. Like why you didn't want to start the podcast one of the reasons, no, full on stockage. But we went out to dinner Friday night, and I said, we got somebody who came borderline past Juliet and Stocking.

00:20:04
So.

00:20:06
So this guy was in. This was in Florida, I'll tell you, you know, kind of the overhead of the story, and he. He was kind of. He was seeing somebody, and he was on match.com, so he thought he turned. Turn it off.

00:20:22
You know, he was. Start his teaching job. And then this one lady was just. I think just got divorced. Whatever.

00:20:29
She messaged five guys that she liked. Four of them responded, one didn't, and that was him. So he's a teacher. Goes in like a student teacher or something like that, and he looks down the hall. She's hot.

00:20:43
I hope that I get to work with her. Well, he ended up getting to work with her. And that's the girl who messaged. He was the one guy that didn't respond. Of the five.

00:20:55
Oh, really? So we wanted to listen. I want to dig in. Like, what do you think she thought when he walked in? Is this guy stalking me?

00:21:04
That's got one guy, like the whole world now he's gonna be teacher. So I'm like, oh, that's full on stockage. I'm like, oh, there's Juliet.

00:21:15
Elizabeth's like, I want to see the text messages. Did she want to start a podcast from her to her friends? When I now. When he walked in the classroom going, oh, right, totally. This guy stacked me down.

00:21:25
He's now in my classroom. Oh, my God. Like, that's called the cops. That must have been so creepy. He didn't see it because he thought he turned it off.

00:21:36
Right? That's so funny.

00:21:42
They're obviously now married now. If that's not supposed to be meant to be, I don't know what God's creator is. Huh? Yeah, that is like, I want to see the text messages from her and her friends after. Like, could you only imagine, like, oh, first thing come my head.

00:21:57
I'm like, Juliet right there. Stalking.

00:22:03
Not the first thing that you thought, you're just fucking with me. That. No, but really, the. The. The messages.

00:22:10
She might. When she saw him, she must have been like, oh, my God, like, she. Her mouth. She must have like to close her mouth and be like, oh, four guys responded. And he's the only one who didn't.

00:22:21
And that's who. And that's who. Even, you know, next step. Even if he was not, you know, teaching in school and not her classroom or something, though. Yeah, in her.

00:22:30
In her classroom. But even the fact that, like, they even cross paths in live. The live world is. Is crazy. I love, you know, I love those stories.

00:22:40
I love. I've heard a lot of stories, but that was like, wow, like, that's the first one that takes it to the next level of. That one's supposed to be like, yeah, I'm surprised she didn't call cops, though. Stalking first. Right, Right.

00:22:57
Like, oh, fuck. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Well, I mean, those meant to be things are so interesting. Okay, so I'm going to go back to the topic we were talking about is what is so interesting is like in a safe space, people try things, right?

00:23:14
But they're. And even if it's uncomfortable, like, okay, I will. Might. I know this person's not going to judge me even if I fail and fail many times in front of them, even though it's still a very uncomfortable thing. Right?

00:23:25
I mean, we all can experience it whether we're dyslexic or not dyslexic. So I do want to practice the pen, if you allow me, just to see. Because you might be like, oh, I, you know what, maybe down the road, what if all of a sudden, like, paper goes extinct and you. Or is that an instinct extinct? There's.

00:23:45
See all the trees out there ain't going anywhere. Okay, but anyways. But that also brings me back to the point before we started the podcast where you were saying that, you know, you and Montgomery, you're like, there's. I. If we could do a percentage things, because I do try new things, right?

00:24:02
I do fail. I like, try things that. But again, we, we, we. We've talked to anyone that's listening, they're like, here she goes with the confidence again. But there is something in there also when we talk about, you know, maybe it's how we were all raised, this, this red string that kind of connected about my dad and myself and, you know, Montgomery, it's a raising thing that built up that self confidence.

00:24:25
So we are like, okay, and now will Montgomery always have it? You know, now that he's out of the nest and doing his own thing, who knows, you know? But I do know the uncomfortable of like, oh my God, okay, I could totally get exposed. This is so uncomfortable. But I still.

00:24:43
And maybe it's just my attention deficit that doesn't let me think deeply into it. And I just am like, okay, I'm diving in. Oh, fuck. Okay. I don't know what I'm doing.

00:24:50
I got to figure it out. And because I don't Want to fail at it, right? So I figure it out. And I know most things I can figure out.

00:24:59
I think, you know, it's interesting. Yo, I'll dive in and figure out. I don't want to fail. I'd rather not even start it, right? You know, you know, we're talking about casinos, you know, the other day, you know, talking about gambling.

00:25:19
Obviously, I'm. I got enough problems. It is. I never gotten that because I can't do math. So, you know, somebody's like, oh, you five bucks on something.

00:25:28
Oh, you might win ten. Nope, I don't even get there. I might lose five. So, you know, obviously two different mindsets, right? You might build ten.

00:25:39
I don't even go there. Not a fuck. It's. I could lose five, right? So, you know, it's just how different we are, right?

00:25:52
Yo, if the negative side, the positive side, however that ends up being, it's very different.

00:26:03
Yeah, it is very different. And now this is where then I go into like the yoohoo Unicorn. There's also so many personality. There's your astrology sign there. If you're watching YouTube.

00:26:20
I wanted that face. That's why I said that. But there's a lot of things bringing up, right? There's so many things that go into what people do and their personalities and those kind of traits. But when you continuously fail and continuously fail, or you're continuously embarrassed when you're trying something new because you can't get it, it's not something that most people are like, hey, let me, Let me go try to see like the glass half full.

00:26:46
Glass, glass half empty, right? Personalities, you. And obviously I talk about that certain things. I look at that a lot. I can make people look at that that way.

00:27:00
But for me, trying something new is the worst thing ever because I might not do it and most people don't. You know, again, obviously my traumas take me that way that's like, do the same. You know, people, you know, talk about, you know, OCD habits or, you know, my hockey rituals. I. I succeeded at doing this way.

00:27:30
I'm not going to try any. Something else, right? And that's what we were talking about this weekend. That's what, you know, we're talking about it. So it's.

00:27:39
I don't think people understand the depths of this is. This is why self esteem is so important. Me, you know, how many people, how many conversations I have and I. Most dyslexics don't have a lot of friends, you know, and, you know, and I'm Talking about, you know, relating, you know, in the younger world, right? Elementary and middle school and high school, when it's so important, you know, we don't have that group of friends or for the most part, we're different.

00:28:08
And still people still think I'm a fucking complete whack job, right? You know, I am half retarded, but it's, but as a kid, you don't understand. Why can't I. Well, I just want to be friends with this person and why can't you? What's wrong with me?

00:28:25
Why don't I have a group? You know, I get this calls so many times, right? And then you got a little miss, little unicorn over there, and I got all my friends and yeah, I'm bouncing around like a leprechaun finding a pot of gold. Well, but, but that's where it is. This whole.

00:28:48
Is it this? You know, I mean, some people could say it's oblivious, you know, but I, I, you know, I, I don't know. When you're younger, right? Did you say I was blonde off.

00:29:04
You make it. You're, you're making yourself laugh, aren't you? It, it is, though. If we think about it, though, it is a very thin, Interesting concept to think, because I also think of some of the people that we've interviewed that you can kind of think about, okay, what they said. And then later, as we were like, well, this and that.

00:29:31
As you were like, well, did this happen? And so I think that there is a, there's so many circumstances that go into it, right, as we talk about. But self esteem is the common denominator of all of it. And it's how much self esteem you have that can help you be a little bit more unicorny.

00:29:57
It's, you know, somebody's like, I just had the you attitude. I played pro for 18. There wasn't a day where I thought I made it right. You know, it's some of the big CEOs, you know, it's. You fall how many times, you know, you get back up.

00:30:18
But it's how many, you know, it's. It's not once that I thought I made it 18 years. You know, somebody say, oh, when did you. When, when did you know you could do it? Or never, you know, never thought I could never thought.

00:30:33
I just, you know, kept going, kept doing it. Do you think, though, if you talk to the majority of professional athletes, they would say the same thing or. No, no, no. You know, they always, you know, because you hear on podcasts, you know, I knew You.

00:30:57
I know at this time, or, or this, I didn't get something, you know, that wasn't. But, you know, Yeah, I bet you if you 95% of the guys at least enjoyed making it, right? Not saying I didn't enjoy it, but it was just. Oh, it was always looking over, looking over my shoulder, you know, in a different, you know, a different way. The stress, the stress and anxiety that you lived every day because you were like, what will I do if I don't do this, right?

00:31:33
Like, what will I do if I don't do this? Is. I mean, just think for one fucking second if you're listening to this, think about that, because that is awful, really.

00:31:51
And it's because you had so many people fail you in your younger years, but younger years. Holy shit, you're still younger. You have so many people fail you. I should say, you have so many people failure, period. But it all started in your younger years, right?

00:32:08
And that's where you know, the foundation and, you know, every dyslexic gets failed, you know, and that's why we talk about what we do and, you know, why we do what we do is if we can limit those. Limit those failures, you know, limits your traumas a billion percent.

00:32:35
I mean, it is the school systems, the way things are done for people that learn. Everything is a box. And if you don't fit into that box, you as your own person and it, it happens at some point in our childhood where it's like we have to take control for ourselves to try to figure it out. And you don't even. We don't even realize we do that because I, I do now.

00:32:59
I. I can look back and now be like, you know what? I never really thought that. Like, I never really thought I was like, no people had. But really, no, you know that you have to take everything into your own hands and you have to do it or it's not going to get done right, or someone's not going to understand you and you're going to be.

00:33:18
You're not going to be able to do it. And then, you know, especially if you're in school, you're going to get a bad grade. Like, there's so many things that, that right there, you know, and we talked about where Montgomery is very like, mom, this teacher is not going to get it. Like, if you get a call from the school, this is where I am. But fudgeing, lie for me.

00:33:34
And I'd be like, okay. Like, oh, shit, it's, it's. And we don't even realize that that is not right. Right. It's just like, well, we.

00:33:46
We do what we have to do to get through, and that's our day. It's what, you know, what do we have to do? What? And that's why. How am I gonna have to lie?

00:33:58
How am I gonna have to fucking make something? You know, and lying's. It's not the right way to say it, but, you know, how am I gonna have to fake it till I make it? How am I gonna have to zigzag on this post? How am I gonna have to, like, trying to, you know, how am I going to get around this?

00:34:13
And how. How. How are we going to do that? Like, try living like that all day long, you know, are we successful at some of the stuff? Right?

00:34:20
You know, do I pull some things off that most people can't? Right? Because I have to go differently. What are you talking about? You know, it's not about, you know, hockey.

00:34:30
You know, obviously, the other day, you know, working with the best golf coach in history of the world, you know, with his kid, you know, and he's like, you know, how'd you learn how to coach like this? This is. You're the best hockey coach. Well, coming from a guy who's the best golf coach in the world, like, you don't get any higher than this guy. Obviously was, you know, good compliment, but I get told every day how stupid I am when it comes to hockey.

00:34:59
You know, what you're doing, right?

00:35:04
So it's. No, not understanding what we're trying to do, you know, is because we got to go at it differently. It might not make sense, but it will at the end. It's just how we have to navigate through, you know, through our day. And that's, you know, anxiety.

00:35:23
Or I could come across as, you know, OCD or you got to do this. I got to do. Do the same thing over and over again, yo. Because we're good at it. So let's just say walking by, turn on the sink and flipping light and do.

00:35:35
That's a success. That's a win for us. We did it.

00:35:43
So it comes across as, oh, you know, again, I've heard it, you know, the equivalent of OCD many times. Nobody would ever think of that little win, you know, those flipping a switch and turning the sink, like, that's a win for us. Like, that is big. And now, you know, the quasi normal people, like, would never think of that and think we're still think we're retarded even after I Said it. Yeah.

00:36:16
So one of the things I also hear you saying that I think is important for people to listen to. And you've said it many times, but, like, no one is born with anxiety, right? We. We all like it. It builds up, right?

00:36:28
Oh, my kid was this. And then all of a sudden, you know, I can remember, and I actually have the photo. Oh. And I could throw up right now even just saying it. Montgomery's first day at kindergarten, and I came across it, and I could see his face.

00:36:44
He was not happy. Like, kids are happy to go to kindergarten, right? He was not happy. Not happy. And it wasn't, you know, someone would say, oh, it's like a dependent thing, or, you know, like, no, it was not.

00:36:57
Like, that's. We did not have that relationship where he was, like, needed to be near me all the time and stuff like that. That's not what our relationship was. It was the mere fact that he knew he was going to a place that he was going to have, like, it. It's the most heartbreaking picture.

00:37:11
And when I came across it, it, like, hit me in the gut because I was like, I knew. And this is before he was diagnosed, but I knew what I was putting my child into. Right. And that doesn't feel good either, because you're like, go ahead. No, yo, don't.

00:37:31
It'd be great if you can say that now. Yeah. Yeah, right. So then you didn't. You know, and that's why we talk about.

00:37:43
That's why I talk about. Everything I do is you can't see signs of something if you don't understand it. So you say that now, right? You didn't know that then? No, I didn't.

00:37:57
No. Makes sense now. Oh, yes. So we can't. You can't go and be yourself, yo, because you.

00:38:05
You didn't. You know, hindsight's 2020 for a reason, right?

00:38:14
So it's, you know, obviously looking at, you know, looking at different. That's why we talk about this. All these things, so many different facets so that you might recognize something. Right? And that's exactly where I'm 100%.

00:38:28
Nice lead in. If your kid all of a sudden starts to develop things where the teachers are like, I think they might have some OCD or you realize they have some anxiety, dive deeper into what it is, and don't let the school be like, this is what we think it is. He needs to be medicated or she needs to medicate it, or all these different things. It could. And I'm going to Say, simple, but it's.

00:38:51
There's nothing simple about any of this. But it could be as like, okay, they're actually struggling learning, and they're able to get around it. Right. Montgomery memorized, so he was able to, like, it didn't seem like it because he's such a personal kid, very good at keeping communication. Was like, oh, okay.

00:39:06
So he didn't come across as he was struggling, but he knew that he did not know what the was going on. And the anxiety of, how am I going to get around this? Or what? Or what am I going to get found out? Even though those thoughts.

00:39:19
He obviously didn't know that that's where his anxiety was coming from. But like, this year in college, and he's good because we talk about it often, but he'll be like, jesus. Ah, the one with our hair loss. My kid's a perfectionist. There's no such thing as a perfectionist.

00:39:37
Okay. Right. What got the kid to that point, yo, calling online. Did the kid get yelled at? I'm just using that as a gap.

00:39:46
Like that's. That's put in there for trauma.

00:39:54
So what happened to get there? Right. You know, and then if you keep going year after year of, you know, doing that, then you, You. You know, it's not a fun life. Right.

00:40:05
But what made that happen?

00:40:10
Mm. And there's also no such as a perfectionist. There's no such thing as perfectionist, only better. You know, what is it, you know, practice to your perfect. Yeah, there's no such thing as perfect.

00:40:23
It's just better. Right. And the. And. And someone could be listening to this.

00:40:29
Be like, my kids, you know, was a perfectionist. Is a perfectionist, but they didn't learn different. But we were going through a divorce, like, and so some kids also pick up on things like, okay, they can't control every. Anything else. And they're good in school, so they're going to be a perfectionist in school, and they're going to make sure that they get 100 because that they can control that some, you know, people, family.

00:40:48
That's trauma. Trauma 100. And, you know, eating disorders. Like, all of these things that when a kid feels out of control, they try. Or even adults, right?

00:40:58
They feel out of control, they can't control anything else out. So they control only the things that they control. That all comes from trauma. Where does that trauma come from? And that's what, like, why you started this, this odd foundation.

00:41:11
Defiance disorder. Same thing, Right. They're defying the adults. What happened? Right?

00:41:21
Is he Going through a divorce, like, they just don't, you know, that's not how we are. What happened? You know, I had a kid, I'm playing hockey with him. Once I found that out, I changed my approach. He was the best goalie in Illinois.

00:41:39
Now, you know, so there's, you know that I call that one a made up name. Right. It's all these smart people. Yeah. You know, think they're smart.

00:41:50
You know, it's all trauma, you know, drugs and alcohol. You know, addiction isn't.

00:41:59
It's what caused it. And if you can get to the bottom of the trauma and talk about the trauma and work on the trauma. Not saying it's going to be fixed, but there's. What is it? The understanding, you know, death.

00:42:15
You know, 85% of people are homeless. It all starts with a death. Lose your job, drugs, alcohol, get involved. Right. But what started it, you know, it's going back to what?

00:42:31
No. What's the root cause? Have the understanding. You know, if your kids getting diagnosed with, you know, anxiety in middle school. No.

00:42:38
No, Right. Find out there's a reason why. No. Off to the therapist, you know, diagnose it. Yo you.

00:42:47
No.

00:42:50
If the kid is always saying, stomach hurt. And I think I told you, told you the story. When I was at home at Hoffman, you know, I was coaching. Mites were 5, 6, 7, 8 year olds. And the dad text, on the, on the group texted, the parents say, you know, ben.

00:43:09
No, Benjamin. I don't even remember what her name was. You know, can't play goal. But I'll meet the parents there to give them the equipment. Right, because you share equipment.

00:43:17
And I got there and dad's like, you know, we had a bunch of tests, you know, last week, you know, there's been something going on in the stomach. I said, you know what? Just, you should probably look into school. Something happened. School.

00:43:33
Dad's like, what, four months later he called me, he goes, you know, I gotta say thank you. You were right. Something happened. School, something with the teacher. So it took me, what, 15 seconds to put that together.

00:43:52
Mm. Now, you would never catch things. You'd never understand things like that if you didn't have it happen to you. Right? So kid doesn't want to go to school.

00:44:03
Always complaining, you know, a stomach ache or, or a headache because you can't see those, right? So they can fake those.

00:44:16
Or they really do have a stomach ache because of anxiety. Right. And they, they don't realize that it's other knots or whatever. You know, they can't Describe it. Right.

00:44:23
But you know, it's a lot of times is they. Yes. It causes that. They don't know what's causing that. Right.

00:44:30
They're too young to, you know, to know, to add the understanding of that. Yo, it's. Now there's a reason why. And then once they figure out what works, we continue to do it.

00:44:47
Find your ways around the teacher. This teacher's like, apples, I'll bring apple. Right? We, you know, so we charmer from a farm, from afar. You start figuring out, you know, who.

00:45:00
You know, how. How can you use different things, what props, what people, you know, you're try strategizing your head all day to get through this. Or, okay, I got this and I gotta do this, then I can figure this out. Try living with that.

00:45:17
Yo, I thought I always say something was in my brain for five minutes, you'd want to jump too.

00:45:24
It's, you know, and try being a kid with all this going on and not understanding it. Right. Yo, somebody said to me, just, just tell me what you. What you. Why don't you just tell me what you saw?

00:45:38
Say that to a, you know, kindergartner or a grade one kid. Right? We don't know. We don't know what that means. Right.

00:45:46
We don't know the difference. Right. Yeah. Johnny's, you know, perfection. No, usually the parents, you always, you know, you abused by your dad or what?

00:45:58
You know, or mom, like, yeah, there's something. There's something more, and we're not asking the right questions. Yes, people are band aiding things. Yeah. And that's why it's.

00:46:12
Days are hard. Right. You know, it's. I don't think I should, you know, this is going to sound, you know, I've ever asked the same question the same way as somebody else.

00:46:27
Yeah. You know, it's because I'm looking at it so differently than everybody else. All right, why did you do this? And what. Okay, now to backtrack parents to this?

00:46:40
Yo, just because I've had it all right? So my understanding is it's completely different. And just about every time, like, no, I never thought of that way. I've never asked that. Well, and skill counselors, you know, you talk about, you know, I saw something, you know, cutting, you know, when I spoke at a school and that had gone up, you know, in high school and all these things, and they're completely so far off.

00:47:16
You cut to feel pain. Right? Feel. Feel is the keyboard here. Feel what?

00:47:26
They're numb. Okay. Why. Why are they. And then 1, 2.

00:47:35
You just. You keep going. The feeling, right? Yo, why did they get there? Then?

00:47:44
I thought, you know, there's not going to. You know, and nobody. No, nobody goes there. I was. I was listening to the school counselor talk, and I wanted to fucking punch her right in the face, because what she was telling her to do was the parents.

00:47:59
It was, you know, when you don't have any understanding. Yeah.

00:48:07
And that's why. I mean, that's what it all comes down to, right? And that's why we get on and talk and tell and share, because. And, you know, things pop up and it's like, you know what? This is something that we need to talk about.

00:48:25
And I know this all started with an audiobook, but if a kid can learn from an audiobook or they can read at a higher level, because they're listening to an audiobook, if they're dyslexic, they're going to get comprehension if it works for them from a different way. And it's just going to keep them where they're like, oh, I read that. And it's just going to be a different confidence builder. I mean, we did audiobooks. I can't even tell you.

00:48:48
During dinner, they. Oh, they would. They would ask. They loved it. You kidding?

00:48:55
They loved it. We didn't have. We didn't have the van with the tv. We did not. I was like, we're not getting a TV in our car.

00:49:00
We're gonna be, like, observing out what the. And we listened. Like, we would listen to audio. I. You know, I had.

00:49:07
I had that. And then I had the screen split so when I was driving, I could put a movie and watch what I was driving myself. Um, I'm sure you got. But it was hell. Nope.

00:49:20
No. Yeah. No. Fuck. Just like, oh, I read to my kids.

00:49:24
I'm like, oh, my God, I want to fucking stab myself. You know, Did I tell a story trying to read the book to Peter, and he. Paul walked by, pulled it out of my hand, and gave me an easier one. Yeah, it is. It's all those things.

00:49:40
And I think. I mean, I read to the kids because they loved. I mean, Montgomery loved words, and so I did. Even though, you know. And as they got harder, it was like, okay, I'm going to be slower at this, but I'm going to do it.

00:49:50
And. And let me. I don't care, you know? So listen to what you said. He loved words, so I wouldn't.

00:49:57
Now I'm going to show. I wouldn't say. I wouldn't say he loved words. He knew he was different. And he had to do that to.

00:50:05
To Bella to survive. He was curious. I wouldn't even say. I wouldn't even say he's curious. It was.

00:50:13
That's how smart and how early we know we're different. Right. Right. So come to find out, obviously dyslexic. Right.

00:50:20
Severe. You know, he knew. You know, how. Whatever. He wasn't curious.

00:50:27
He wasn't curious. You know, he didn't love words. He just knew he had to. And look how many years you got away with memorizing. Right?

00:50:35
Yeah. No, Yeah. I mean, it was a giant coping mechanism, if that's what we want to use that word or whatever. Yeah. So that's a prime example of how different we are, how early we know we're different.

00:50:52
How amazing that was to be able to. Him to do it that way. He loved words. Ask him today, calm. Hey, you love words.

00:51:01
You're gonna say, fuck you, Mom. Today. Today he would say, no, he did not love words. But. And that's where.

00:51:05
And we're not gonna get into this, because we could talk a million hours on this. But that's where the parental match is really interesting, because I could have been a parent that was like, no and didn't do it. And then he wouldn't have gotten the skills or he would have found out a way, maybe, or whatever. It's just interesting that it kind of worked the way it did. Yeah.

00:51:23
You know, and we find ways, yo. Right. You're right. We go back. Parenting match, whatever, you know, he.

00:51:33
He found. He. He finds ways. Right? We find ways.

00:51:36
Yeah. You know, we go in the side door to get to this, because we got to go this. And you got to go 16 stairs. You gotta. This like, yo, I'm laughing because if I called him right now and said, you love words, he even gets so pissed and be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

00:51:53
He gets so angry. Be like, you're fucking on crack 100%. You know, that's exactly what I hate. Words. You know, I want to blow up every library.

00:52:04
We're giant public libraries. Fuck that. Burn that shit down. I want a fucking library. And that's Penelope's, like, favorite.

00:52:10
She wants to go to every.

00:52:14
Hang myself in front of library. And so keep every. Like, that's how. But that's how different our brains are. And that's the problem is people.

00:52:24
You said, Penelope brains are the people that are running the school education system. And here we are on the other side. Right? It's audiobooks. Fuck.

00:52:38
I know. There's so many audiobooks that I want you to read and I listen to. And I know you don't even. I don't. I don't have I ever.

00:52:46
I think in the beginning I did. I think I was like, you should listen to this. You know, it's Elizabeth. You know, listen to, you know, Joe Rogan. I'm like, you listen this guy talk just like, stand up comedian, going to see somebody extend.

00:53:00
It sounds awful.

00:53:04
It's not your thing. I'm gonna listen, you know. No, no, no. Or we're talking. There you go talking, you know, forest preserves and, you know, little.

00:53:18
Little red school house. Like, not a goddamn chance. Chance that any of my kids see that. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

00:53:24
Zoos. No, I lived on a farm, you know. Right. Like her niece. Niece has been zoos all over the.

00:53:32
They drive to go zoos. I'm like, not a chance. See, I didn't do zoos because I think they trapped the animals. And so we didn't do any of that. When my kids were little, hey, PETA.

00:53:44
I did. My kids. They. I mean, there were some that we would. If they had big enough, like the Bronx Zoo.

00:53:49
I was like, okay, they have big enough places. But any, like, the whale stuff, I would be like, do you know that that baby whale was stolen out of the water? My kids were like, what? Later in life they would say, yeah, it was like trauma mom. Like, people would be like, we went to SeaWorld.

00:54:01
Oh, our mom says that you can't go to SeaWorld. They stole that mom out of the ocean. And I was like, they did. And people should know that that's a terrible place. Well, you know, in Chicago, there's Lincoln.

00:54:10
I think it's Lincoln Zoo or Lincoln Park Zoo, downtown Chicago. I guess it's open. The public is always open. I've never been there, had no clue. Chicago's all these museums.

00:54:23
Never. Yo. This was like, you never. I love a good museum. Oh, well that's nice.

00:54:28
I do. I love a good museum. Look at a painting. Like, I could have fucking thrown a paint against. Why you would.

00:54:35
You know, I knew the problem is to this, to that is our brains are wired so differently, right? I'll see what I say. Like, I'll say what I see. And they look at me and go, what drugs are you on? I'm like, but I think that's what's fascinating.

00:54:52
I love to see what other people think about that. I want. I want to go to a museum with you now and see what you. What you see. I think that's so fascinating.

00:55:05
You know, I'm like, They're like, what are you like, oh, example on Facebook, they have a scene and somewhere in that scene there's no God. You know, Take forever. Like, oh, this is fun. This is fun. Really?

00:55:21
No, we were. I still playing. Went to Paris and we stood in line to see this fucking thing in Mona Lisa. Like this. This goddamn thing.

00:55:31
Stood this long for this.

00:55:35
The shadows.

00:55:41
We're gonna leave that at that. We're gonna leave that at that. Yeah, I could. I. I actually like art.

00:55:48
Oh, my God. I can't draw now. I think this is my creativeness. I. I'm fascinated with, like, artists that think, oh, my God.

00:55:55
I think it's fascinating. Elizabeth, you know, she's her mom. You know, growing up, they had every pass, every museum and. Yeah, we did too. We did.

00:56:05
We went to. We used to go to the orchestra when we were little. The Philadelphia Orchestra. I know my mom used to take the five kids. We used to go to the Philadelphia Orchestra and stuff.

00:56:16
And now I can't say that I really love that. How much trauma. Like, holy. All right, we're gonna leave it at that. So think about your childhood and all the things that you did and where you got your confidence.

00:56:31
I actually, I. That question and I do want to start like when we have guests on. I do want to start asking that where people find their confidence. And Prince checked out. So I'm going to leave it at.

00:56:45
Thank you for joining. Confidence. I know, but some people have a lot. You have a little confidence in some things. And I can tell you, you know what, next episode, we're going to dive through.

00:56:55
I can, I can pull out your confidence. I know you have it because I've seen it and it's not faking it. So you make it. But we're at 57 minutes. But this is a whole nother conversation.

00:57:06
I'm going to actually put it in my. Because I think we have to do another trouble board this week. Yeah, my trial award, actually. I'm going to put it in my notes in my phone because I do. We're going to.

00:57:19
I'm going to. We're going to dive in and talk about your. The different strengths that you have. Okay. Um, thank you for joining.

00:57:27
For Blindness, Dyslexia exposed. Don't forget to go to the foundation's website, sopofoundation.org we have a lot of stuff coming up and some really, like getting closer to be able to publish some stuff that is going to be life changing for people which excites all of us. You know what I say every time? Like rate, review and share share. Because you don't know who needs to hear literally everything that we said here.

00:57:53
Someone can find importance of it because someone is going through something or knows someone going through something. So we'll see you for another episode of word blindness. Dyslexia exposed.