S2E16: Breaking the Stigma - Speaking Openly About Mental Health

If you're feeling the weight of unmet expectations and the struggle to find purpose, then you are not alone! When navigating the complexities of mental health and personal fulfillment, it's easy to find yourself questioning your abilities and feeling overwhelmed by the challenges. But what if there was a way to break free from the cycle of doubt and uncertainty? Let's dive into the multi-faceted journey of finding purpose and coping with mental health, and discover the power of vulnerability and connection in overcoming these obstacles. Join us as we unpack the layers of this relatable experience and explore the strategies for finding meaning and support amidst the struggles. It's time to shed light on the hidden depths of these challenges and pave a path towards understanding and growth.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Discover effective strategies for coping with depression in adulthood.
• Explore the impact of dyslexia on mental health and ways to navigate its challenges.
• Uncover practical strategies for managing and reducing anxiety in daily life.
• Gain insights into finding purpose and fulfillment after a career in professional sports.
• Learn valuable ways to support children with learning disabilities and help them thrive.

Transcript:

 

00:00:05
Welcome back to word blindness. Dyslexia exposed. I'm Juliet Hahn, and I'm here with my co host, Brent Sopal. How are you? Yes.

00:00:16
Is it Monday? Is it Tuesday? What day we got? Yeah, it is Monday. Now, this actually is a very good segue because I have said a million times, I say to people, when I ask you how you are, I actually really want to know.

00:00:28
I'm not just saying it so you can say, oh, I'm good, when I know you're not good. But there is. This is like, actually a perfect segue. So we started, and the reason why I was giggling is because I do this all the time. I didn't hit record because I wanted to make sure we were on the same alignment.

00:00:47
Cause this is not gonna be your favorite episode to record because you've had a really, really, I wanna say you have a lot of rough days and rough times, but you had a back to back, really rough time. And I said to you last night, we didn't talk probably for like four days. And I was like, okay, I know how this goes. When you're, when you're having a hard time, you go dark. But then I was like, okay, this is longer than it normally is.

00:01:12
We just had some really good wins. I need to understand. Like, I want to understand. As a friend, I want to understand, like, okay, what? What it was.

00:01:22
So I had all these scenarios playing in my head, like, could it be this? Could it be that? And then I was like, no, I just need to ask. Rent what transpired? I know you were running the candle at both ends big time with the seven seven seven campaign.

00:01:37
I think I might add in another seven in there. But 7777, then we had this incredible article that was written, and I'm going to let you speak. But I basically was like, oh, mate, that might be too much. And I've said to you before, hey, if there's ever a time that you're like, okay, this podcast is nothing. It's not serving me anymore.

00:01:57
Or like, what we're doing is not serving me. Like, you could say, hey, I think I need to go in a different direction. And it would not hurt my feelings at all. And then you said, well, okay, that's interesting that you said that. No, it's not this.

00:02:10
And then you kind of took me down, like, what your path is, because that would hurt your feelings if someone said it, if it was flipped, like, if I didn't answer you for a couple days, it would take you down this path. And you did mention it a couple podcasts ago or maybe one that rerecorded and so I just want you to kind of. I know I didn't really ask a question there, but I know I could tell by your face you have stuff to say. So I'm just gonna let you go. You know, it's when I'm in, when I'm in a bad place, my safest place to be sleeping, you know, to take, you know, it takes the fear of me doing anything to anybody, myself or anything, just sleeping the safest place for me to be, you know, and there's obviously cycles goes in and out and, you know, I think, I think I slept for four days.

00:03:13
I think it was yo, which most people like, what the fuck? You know, but that's, that's, you know, the safest place, but it's. My rejections take me down. You know, we talked about the campaign, you know, obviously it was, it was absolutely amazing. It was know, everybody donated, everybody got across and, you know, Devon Murray is gonna get the, you know, this jersey, you know, Chicago, though, signed in and framed, you know, for getting us over.

00:03:55
I always said, you know, whoever gets us over, we'll get that. So he got us over. Obviously the article was amazing, well written, you know, phenomenal. Obviously. I love some of message you got and people you hadn't talked for a while.

00:04:12
You're down here, you're in New York post, what's going on? You know, especially, you know, being a New yorker that you are, it's like, what the fuck? Where have you been now? And show up, sports page in New York, New York. What am I missing?

00:04:26
So that was pretty funny. But it was for me, obviously the campaign was phenomenal. But it's then, you know, the nose, the people who didn't donate, the people who said they wouldn't, who didn't, who just skip over it, you know, I take, you know, I take that personal.

00:04:55
Somebody, you know, reaches out for me, you know, I do everything I can to help whoever that is, whenever that is, whoever you are, you know, that's just who, you know, who I am because of the struggles, because of the pain, obviously the reason why the foundation started. So never, the kid never feels the way I do every day. So I take that personal when people say that they're going to or, yeah, again, $1 didn't need to be $77 or 777 or a thousand or 2500 me, because it's not about me. It's about the kid that's the younger me, the kid that's sitting here struggling wherever they are right now, obviously. Here, here.

00:05:52
Illinois, I think. School start. Some of the school start this week. Terrible. Yeah.

00:06:01
Oh, yeah. We start sweating, so throwing my mouth a little bit. Oh, Jesus. I got a crick in the neck. So it.

00:06:15
When I. When I reach out to people and don't get response, when I. People say they're gonna do it, they don't. I. I take it personal because it's.

00:06:28
I know what it is to be in that chair. I know what it is. That kit, like schools that, starting this week, exactly what you just did, just the thought of it just knocked me down. So I do take it personal, and I. It's not essentially, you know, I always talk about.

00:06:50
This story's not about me. It's about every kid. But when I. When I do whatever I can to help anybody one way, and it's not reciprocated, you know, 123455, 500 times over, it's just. It takes a baseball bat to me and, you know, and I.

00:07:11
I go down and it's the little things that, you know, that end up taking me out, but it's, you know, it's same thing as we said during the campaign, little victories, little $1, $2. Those little things got us to that seven seven faster than it ever has. Just like the little things take me down just faster than it ever has. So, you know, you and I talk about just right before is, you know, kind of change that mindset of, you know, it's not, not essentially about doing it on purpose to take to you. It's, you know, something they've got going on, and, and I couldn't, you know, couldn't agree more, but when it happened, when it's been going on for my whole life, you know, I'll help anybody, but then why, why not me?

00:08:03
Like, why can't you do this little thing? You know, why, you know, why can't you? This Orlando, it gets, you know, it gets harder and harder to, to race. It gets harder and harder to look at it, you know, the other way, even though, as you say, you, you teach people all the time. You're right.

00:08:26
You know, I do. But they haven't been knocked down as many times. I have. And that's why I try and flip it the other way. Miss Unicorn over there, maybe with your curious jewish hat to make people smile, make people laugh.

00:08:38
And that's why the foundation is so important to me, because I'm not doing. There's been people knocked out more than me. I'm not gonna say I'm the only one in the world. But as, you know, as the people who talked about, there hasn't been too many people been knocked down the way I have so many times that I never want a person to do. And every time I do gets me closer to the goal of them being in my place, which, you know, I take personal.

00:09:07
Right. And so there's a couple different ways. Because I, when you had said to me before, like, there was, you know, if someone doesn't respond to you, it, like, you're like, it makes me crazy. Or they just give me a thumbs up, and I said to you, well, but what if, what if, what if they're going through something, too? And you were like, well, yeah, but.

00:09:26
And so I said to you, like, I need to understand. And then when you explained it. Cause I was like, well, that's, you gotta think about the other person, too, right? So I kind of, and I wasn't coming at you in any way, but I was like, I just, I want to understand so I can also help others. Like, if someone, through your story, if someone comes to me, I'm like, oh, okay.

00:09:46
Because it is very different for me if I send. And I was just sharing with you before, when I used to do this, you know, worked in the fitness world, and I would reach out to people and people would say no. I was like, okay, great. There's a yes around the corner. I would make it a competition.

00:10:00
I never, ever thought it had anything to do with me. Now, I'm not saying that I'm better than you because you think that way, or, you know, whatever. It's a mindset. And as we talk about it with dyslexia, we get knocked down, knocked down, knocked down, like, so many times. But even my mom, we just talked about this at our family reunion.

00:10:22
She was saying, when I was a child, like, if the teacher, if I failed something, I would say, well, the teacher didn't teach me that. Like, what the hell? And it was like, oh, okay. Where my older sister would be like, I'm so stupid. I can't learn it this and that.

00:10:38
You take that side more. So I understand it because I, you know, my old, as I said, my older sister did it for whatever reason. I was just born that way. That's why we talk about personalities. I, not that I would blame someone else, because that's also.

00:10:51
That could be an issue. I don't blame. I just don't. I didn't internalize it and say, yes, there was times where I'd be like, God, I tried so hard. And I didn't do it.

00:10:59
I'm stupid, but then I would bounce back. So I was saying to you, I just interviewed someone recently, a psychotherapist. And one of the things that she was saying, and this is what I said to you, this is what you teach. How can you get there? And then we laughed.

00:11:14
And you're like, can you record? Because I said, I'm not a psychotherapist, but let's talk about this. Because you have had the same situation happen number of times. So it's basically etched in your brain. So for all the visual thinkers, you think of a pathway and it's deep, deep, deep.

00:11:30
And it keeps getting deeper and deeper, deeper, deeper. So someone doesn't respond to you. Your brain just does what it nationally does. And you said, which was something that I just learned because I didn't completely. I thought I understood where you were coming from until you said, no, you go and say, I'm not good enough.

00:11:47
Why won't they text me? I guess it's because of me. They don't like me and da da da. And I was like, oh, oh, wow, okay. I did not.

00:11:54
I didn't realize that. I thought you were just pissed. Not. And I want to say pissed, but it bothered you, and I didn't put those words into it. So when you said that, I was like, okay, that's.

00:12:05
I understand in a different way now. You completely internalize it and completely put it back where it's like there's something wrong with you, that the person didn't do it, not that the person might be dealing with their own shit show and. And doesn't have the time to, like, you know, be like, you know, oh, let me help. Because even when you're at your most down, you still help people. And that's because that's the beautiful human that you are and the heart that you have.

00:12:32
So it kind of even hits you more because you're like, yeah, but I would do it even when I'm in a shitty space because. But a lot of people are not like that. I get that because I probably am similar to you, where I'll help as much as I can, you know, and I'll go above and beyond. A lot of people don't go above and beyond in anything they do. And again, while foundation started, never want a kid to feel what I do.

00:13:00
So if I'm. I'm down, I'm in a bad place, I'll help because I don't want. I don't want him to get there, you know, kind of like, no. When somebody commits suicide, I'm like, I'm happy for them. People like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

00:13:21
I'm like, you know, you don't know what it is to be that dark and that, you know, in that pain. So it's. You're right. A lot of people don't. They don't do that a normal day.

00:13:31
Right. They don't go above and beyond that, you know, where they need to be. But it's. It's always, you know, I've always.

00:13:40
I guess, you know, it's probably. Probably got a lot to do with that connection piece, right. Not connecting with anybody for how many years of my life been, you know, and everybody's. There wasn't a day in my life I played one longest hockey careers, probably. Probably more than 95% of hockey players in the world, and there wasn't a day I thought I made it.

00:14:08
Yeah. You know, so it's always question myself, where do I fit in on that? What, you know, I just, you know, know what it is to be, you know, that pain. Um, and I never want anybody else to be there. It's, you know, it's not fun.

00:14:27
You know, it's unicorn, unicorn, unicorn. And roses and flowers and balloons are a whole lot better than, you know, than the dark side. And the more people you can keep out of the dark side, you know, the better the world is. Yeah. And I.

00:14:43
And I had said to you, like, because I guarantee the people that are not responding to you, they're not, like, fucking, so bowl. I'm not doing it. I guarantee that. Most of them, I would say probably all of them. Maybe there's one.

00:14:55
I bet I don't know, that are not doing it. There's more than one. I'm good at pissing people off. Yeah. But I'm sure it's not like they're like.

00:15:02
But it's because it's not top of mind. And that's where. That's why I said to you, I wanted to talk about this, because depression is real and mental health is real, and someone could say, oh, I understand depression, but if they are not, like I said to you, listen, I can't. I can. And I think there's a whole saying, I can sympathize and I can put myself in your shoes, but I've never, I think maybe twice in my life, I was never that down.

00:15:33
One was when I was taking Adderall, you know, when in the. When I was diagnosed with ADHD in college, and I just was not working with the chemistry of my body. And I remember being like, what the fuck? I mean, I couldn't get out of bed. I was.

00:15:46
Everyone's like, what's. What's happening with you? I'm like, I don't know. You know, I had to call the doctor, obviously, and they're like, oh, yeah, okay. Something's.

00:15:52
You do not need this in that sense. I needed a different, you know, doses or whatever with. With Adderall. And then there was a time where I had one of my friends died. And I remember I couldn't, like, I was like, just getting like.

00:16:08
But I got up. But I just remember being so frickin tired and sad for days on end. And that never really happens to me, but I still could get out of bed. And so I know people that do. You're one of them, you know?

00:16:24
And I do know others that suffer from depression, and it's like, you cannot, literally cannot get out of bed. It's not that you're like, oh, I'm making this choice to stay in here, as you said. And I think people really need to hear that is that, you know, that's the safest spot for you. So you don't do anything to yourself or you don't get angry, you know, like, you're having emotions that you're not really completely able to control. And so you don't want to get in an argument with someone for no reason, then that's what I mean.

00:16:54
You don't want to get angry. Yeah. You know, um.

00:16:59
It, you know, it's a real thing. Mental health a real thing, you know, depression, anxiety, you know, it's all. It's all real, you know? And the more you understand it, the easier it is. And just everything we talk about, you know, dyslexia and the calculia or, you know, this graph, the more understanding that we have around it, obviously, the better it is.

00:17:24
The easier it is, right? Doesn't make. It. Doesn't make it. It makes it easier for you to make better decisions.

00:17:35
It makes it easier if you can communicate that to people, because if you don't understand it, how am I going to communicate that for an example to yourself, to understand you're nothing knocking about. Make those good, you know, good choices or tell, you know, took how long for you to understand some of the things that I was saying, you know, took a year to, you know, for you to understand some of the things I was saying. Right. And the other thing is that I think some people don't know, but when ADHD, as you said, all the dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, I don't. Dyscalculia.

00:18:25
I don't want to say now. I forgot how to say it the other way, though, to calculate. There is a anxiety portion to that, that it is a lot. And I would love, actually, to find that percentage. We all just, like, everything is spectrums, and I don't spectrum.

00:18:46
I'm not talking about autism, but I'm talking about degrees. So you could, like, there isn't. I have anxiety, and I. At times, it's really bad, and it's really one of the reasons why I stopped drinking, because I was like, oh, my God. Every time, it didn't.

00:19:01
Wasn't helping anymore. It was helping me numb. It was basically bringing my anxiety to a level that I was like, I do not like this. This is not good. I don't like feeling like this.

00:19:10
So a lot of people, and I would say a very high percentage, if not all with ADHD, have some level of anxiety, and. And I wouldn't say depression, but levels of depression. And I don't know. Like, again. Cause I'm not psychotherapist or a doctor, even though I play one on tv.

00:19:35
I play one on tv. Right. There is. And it's because of the sensory. I mean, there's a sensory.

00:19:44
It's the way your brain is wired, so. And I use homeopathy, and I know I'm trying to push it on brent. So we'll. We'll come back and we'll see if he'll ever take me up on that. But I can tell when I need to change my remedy.

00:19:57
It's interesting, my kids, two of them, have slight anxiety. You know, they were never diagnosed, but now it's like, anxiety disorder, you can have. But it's. I really think it's. You got a slight ADHD, and the anxiety kind of just sits on your shoulder when you have that.

00:20:14
Um, but there's levels of it, and that's the other thing, is there's levels with depression. And I think people need to understand that anxiety, for some, can overtake and then put you in that depressive. Right. State. Right.

00:20:30
If you cannot get a handle of your anxiety is, from what I. My understanding. And, you know, in the handle, you know, as I like to say, the handle, anxiety is the understanding. Mm hmm. Because, you know, if you don't have.

00:20:47
You know, how many people have you ever heard had a panic attack that they thought they're gonna have a heart attack? Where they didn't know what that was. Okay, now. And. Okay, okay, now I know what it is.

00:20:57
It's that it's a panic. It's my anxiety. Okay. Yo, now you're not rushing to the hospital, think you have a heart attack. Cause now you have some understanding, so it's.

00:21:08
Can it. Absolutely. You know, I always talk about, you know, ADHD. You know, normal people that don't have it have dopamine running to their brain all the time. We don't, you know, it's like a faucet.

00:21:22
Our faucet is off. How do we turn it on? You know, sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Some adrenaline turns it on. Right.

00:21:29
Our brain, you know, isn't functioning, you know, boys way there does, you know, so that, you know, that's where the anxiety comes in. All right, what's next? Can I do it? And, you know, then the self talk and the questions, and then you can talk yourself, you know, into doing, you know, flipping up a tree. Just the craziest things.

00:21:49
Because that self talk, obviously, Thomas the train, I think I can. I think again. It's real. Your brain is the strongest part of your body. And we tell you, you wake up in the morning, you sell yourself, you're tired.

00:22:03
You're tired, but you tell yourself the opposite. I feel great today, right? You're gonna feel better than you know if you told yourself you're tired. And just to give you an example, and this could be interesting for some. Some maybe don't give a shit.

00:22:20
So. And it's really funny that as you were bringing that up, like today, this week, I have now two kids that are driving. My oldest has like three a days getting ready for soccer, for college. And that's not a real sport, though. He'll debate with you on that.

00:22:39
I have a ton of work to do, but I wasn't getting anxiety about the work. This is what I was getting, anxiety. And when I mean anxiety, like, I woke up twice in the middle of the night, like, sweating, being like, okay, no one answered me on that. Like, I don't know what. Who's gonna be doing this and who's be doing that?

00:22:56
And that's like, this is what I used to do when the kids were little. And so this is what I want to explain to someone. I was just having this long talk with someone about this because I'm so all or nothing that if I am relaxed on schedule, I could let things fall through the crack because of my ADHD. Or it's like, you know, out the window. So I have to be Uber focused on it now.

00:23:21
I can run my own schedule with the work that I do at fed tech, the work that I do, you know, with the Sopa foundation, the podcast and all of that. I have control over that. I can say, okay, I'm showing up. I'm doing it now. I knew my schedule was pretty packed today.

00:23:38
Hahn had to take the car, his car into the city, rightfully so. I'm like, honey, that's easier for you. Like, do not worry about us here if that's going to get you into the city without stress because he's got a big week. I was like, don't worry about us, right? We'll figure it out.

00:23:52
So I'm texting the boys and my daughter. Can everyone send me their schedule? Yeah, I'll do it in a second. I was like, no, no, no. I need to go to bed, and I need everyone to.

00:24:01
Please, can you guys just send me your schedule? I need to map it out, and I need to look at it so I can see, okay, there's a pocket. And I'm really bad with time. So I could. I think I can get.

00:24:11
And this is ADHD thing. I think I can get billion things done in an hour. I can't. And you said keyword there. You need to see it, right?

00:24:23
So that was a visual. Visual. See, 03:00 I had to be here. No, that didn't mean anything. You had to visually see that everyone's what time everyone needed to be.

00:24:31
I needed to look at my calendar to see what I needed to do, where I had calls and recordings, and then be like, okay, I need to work backwards. So. But I also know my oldest. If he has his schedule in his mind and something at the last minute changes it. It tweaks the fuck out of him, which I am the same way.

00:24:53
I've gotten way better as an adult. I'm way more flexible. But at that age, no. And even when the kids were little, so even in my thirties, it was really. It would, like, throw me.

00:25:03
I would have to complain in my head, have like, almost like a fit. And then I'd be like, okay, I got it. Yeah. Be like, motherfucker. Yeah, right?

00:25:10
And it was like, okay, take my bat and ball and leave, and I'm going home. Yeah, exactly. So I knew I needed to approach him, like, okay, either we have to. You need to drop your brother off at work, or he can take my car. I'm coming back from yoga.

00:25:25
I need to jump, but then we have to. And I have 20 minutes here. We need to go. And I need to get his car, but I need to let him know to put the keys in the glove box and not take it because he doesn't have his phone when he gets into work. So, like, we need to make this decision now so everyone is on the same page.

00:25:44
And then my daughter's like, I just need to be working at 03:00 and I was like, right. So I need to make sure because then my Montgomery was tied up and out. So I literally woke up and I was not relaxed. I woke up and I was grumpy. And I'm like, this is.

00:25:57
But that's exactly where my anxiety and the reason why I'm explaining that as detailed as it is, because someone else is going to be like, that's so weird, right? That does not throw them off. Others are going to be like, oh, wow, I never thought I'm the same sort of way. So, like, literally when I got got to yoga, I said, and I knew everyone was sleeping, too, I didn't want to also then go wake everyone up with, like, this energy of, like, who's doing what. No one likes that.

00:26:20
That's annoying. So I said, text when I got out of yoga, are you taking your brother? And he was up and he said, yes. And then I was like, okay. And literally, it was like, okay, we're good.

00:26:30
Because now I know the car is here and everything else is lining up and everyone, I know where everyone needs to be and all that. That was the first piece of the puzzle because it's the first piece of the first. You know, it's like, you know you're playing jenga, right? You're trying to take the bottom instead of taking the top. Easy block, you're taking the bottom.

00:26:46
Now, you took the top block. And now the day continued. The bottom block, the whole thing fell and you throw everything off, right? And it. And that's when the kids were little.

00:26:59
And I think I shared this with you. I. And I don't want to say tightly wound because I'm not really a tightly wound person for the most part. I can have moments where I am, but. But I was.

00:27:08
Not until kids. And then I remember my husband being like, what's happening here? And I was like, oh, I'm running a tight ship. I need to be on this. Or it was going to be a free for all.

00:27:18
Free for all because I could be really fun. But then the kids will be dicks, right? They're going to be dicks. And I didn't want dick. Kids so I was like, I had to be so scheduled so I made sure nothing got fucked up because then if something got fucked up, even though I don't really beat myself up, I do being like, shit, I wish I did that different.

00:27:37
And so I would love go ahead schedule, right? Oh, like I've always had to be, um, I gotta be, I gotta be early. You know, hockey, when I played in NHL, I was, I was there at least 3 hours before the game. Right now, if I showed up a little late and then I was now rushing, I was completely fucking garbage. I might as well not even put my skates on.

00:28:07
I was horrendous on the ice because now I was completely lost. Same thing. Now, you know, if I'm going somewhere, if I'm late, I'm done. You know, I'm done. You know, it's, if I'm early, where I can be there, you know, finish a call, parking lot, whatever that is.

00:28:28
Great. That's the top bark off Jenga. If I am late and rushed, that bottom block is just pulled and I'm done. So can you, if you can. I would love how I just kind of gave the scenario of my anxiety and what that looks like.

00:28:48
Can you take us through if you have headspace for it, like what the last, like week where you were and kind of what then put you in bed for four days, like if you can. And you kind of started. But like, I would love chronic chronologically if you could do that, y'all. I remember, I remember who used to tell me, our highs are so high and our lows are so low now. Never seen anything like in my life.

00:29:22
Yes. So it was, you know, go back to the year of fitness. You're thinking, oh, my God, oh, my God, I might, I might, I might sell this or I might get this or I might. This top of the world. This could happen if I didn't take the rug out and I was down, down in the downers, as dark as you can get it.

00:29:48
So it's obviously the campaign was amazing. Um, getting across the finish line, um, what was amazing, followed by the article. So talking on top of the world, right, of, although all these synergies coming together. But then I look at the people I reached out to, you know, sent them to send them the link for the, for the campaign. You know, how many people that didn't participate, you know, obviously the people that we did, you know, the people that did, obviously phenomenal.

00:30:29
But I look at and I'm like, look, who didn't, you know, you take a look at the golf, the golf outing that we have, you know, coming up in September, you'll look at how many people that aren't helping out, that aren't sponsoring. So it's that the, the not good enough side comes into play for me. You know, I reached out. I don't know. So you took, you take a look at, you know, how many people saw the campaign on social media.

00:31:05
You took, how many people I reached out to like, yo, and it doesn't matter how much money somebody has or doesn't have. Wasn't asking, you know, a dollar to me is a million dollars. And then, so it's, it came on the heels of, you know, all that, all the, all the phenomenalness, all the amazingness. Then I look at the people who didn't, and that's when I go to, why me? What's wrong?

00:31:39
What, you know, what's wrong with me? You been doing these things for, you know, four, four years, and then that side of me comes in and, you know, it takes me to, takes me, obviously down because what's, it's not about me yelling and trying for sponsorship for the foundation. I'm not asking for, you know, it's a tax break. It's, I'm not asking you to invest in me. You're, you know, it's, so it's, then it gets back to, you know, what's wrong with me?

00:32:23
What, you know, why? Then I obviously start questioning myself and who I am and, you know, what I'm doing and am I doing it right? Am I doing it wrong? What's wrong with me? You know, all those, all that negative talk, and then it just, it's a, it's a slippery slope.

00:32:41
It's, you know, like the old slide at the playground with the kids. It's, you know, when it's not, when it's dry, your butt just kind of squeaks down that slide, but when it's wet, it's, you're gone. And, you know, I was, you know, it must have been raining that day, and, you know, I was gone and, you know, um, but then when I start, I know it's just the safest place for me. You know, I didn't look my phone for four days. It was just a safest place for me to, you know, to be.

00:33:14
So obviously, I understand the anxiety of, you know, the schedule. I'm not, you know, if I'm late, I'm done. I wake up in the night, you know, um, you know, stressing about the, uh, the foundation, the financial side. All right. You know, the sponsorship, and, you know, so I wake up.

00:33:35
Yeah, yeah. No shortness breath, middle of night going, you know, questioning that side of things. So it's. Yeah, it's a slippery slope that I go down because I never want anybody else to go down it, you know? So that's why people like, oh, you're better coaching.

00:33:57
You're a better player, 100%. Because I never want anybody to be a coach. You know, and from the depths that. That I am and that I've been.

00:34:10
So here. Thank you for sharing that, also. So I'm gonna pretend to play a psychotherapist for a moment, and this is one of those. And let's. You know, let me throw this, because if it wasn't.

00:34:31
If this was something new that, you know, a business, something like, let's just say the foundation is a new business. Just starting it, it would be a completely different story. But it's. It's. It's.

00:34:45
That's nothing new. It's been. You know, we just crossed the finish line the other day was seven years of the. Of the grind, and it's been the same thing on different magnitudes and different levels for seven years. Right, right.

00:35:06
Which is understandable. So it's understandable why you go there. Right. It's not like. It's like you're creating now.

00:35:13
Someone could say to you, well, just don't think about it. Right. It's like when. When you're, like, having, like, a meltdown and someone says to you, it's gonna be okay, it's like, fuck yourself. Right.

00:35:22
So I. You could give me the finger if you need to here. I just want to play a scenario out, too, because as I was saying in that. In your brain, if someone can visualize that that path is so deep. Yeah.

00:35:36
That it's hard for your brain to get out of that path. If you think of, like, that path and you think of a little stick figure or a little person in there, that's like, oh, this happened. Oh, they're right back in there. And they would need to do so much work to get, like, a bobsled. Right.

00:35:52
Lose. You know how wide those things are. Yeah, I'm in the bottom. Try climbing out of that. Right.

00:35:57
So I'm right. When it. And. And you could feel it, you can get deeper and deeper and deeper. So when you've heard people.

00:36:04
You know, you could go on instagram, you go anywhere. When you hear people say that they used to have that deep ingrained, you know, where things used to happen and how they got themselves out because what, what needs to be done is there needs to be another path that is next to it. And I don't want to say positive, negative, because that's not anything, but, like, where you're having more wins, then you're having these moments. Right. But my question to you is, and again, you give me the finger and you might also do what you're really good at and change the subject.

00:36:39
But I don't think so. I think we, I think I got you in a good spot here.

00:36:44
You're having these, like, did you just decide to go to your phone and look and be like, but these are all the people that didn't do it? Or like, did it pop up? Like, how did that come about? If you can explain. Oh, yeah, I did.

00:36:57
I didn't go back and look, I knew exactly, you know, I know. I still don't know how many people exactly that I sent it to, but I know exactly, um, you know, obviously, you take a look at that, obviously in the backside of saying we, we saw, we got to see who donated. We're keeping track. You know, we were keeping track to, as, you know, obviously, the excitement getting closer then once we got across. So looking at the names, who did donate and who was a part of it, you know, because like I said, from day one, I said, whoever gets this across is going to get a gift.

00:37:31
Right? So it was keeping track of that kind of stuff as we saw. Right. So at the same time as was keeping track as where we're going, I knew exactly who didn't, right. I shouldn't say exactly.

00:37:47
I knew. You knew? Yeah. In your head, you had an idea. Now, here's another question.

00:37:54
Is this something where it's like, okay, you know that four or five people that don't help time and time again trigger you? Is it safe to say you put them away and you never ask them ever? Because it's like, you know what? I know they're not going to. I know it takes me down a really bad path.

00:38:16
I'm going to start creating a different group. And the ones that I know are my triggers. I'm just going to leave them there and I have a different relationship with them. I know that those people I can't count on for X, Y and Z. However, I'm going to start creating a new thing.

00:38:32
Maybe it's people that have reached out to me in the last seven months, right? But, like, people. And again, I'm playing a psychotherapist on tv here, maybe psychotherapists, they were listening to this. They're like, wait, I think she's a psychotherapist. Again, I am just throwing scenarios out, because if those are triggers, right?

00:38:48
Like, as an addict, don't they say to you, like, stay away from the things that are triggers? So is that fair enough to say there's, like, a number of people that could be triggers or. No, it's just more of the overall idea. More of the overall idea. You know, it's where you're going.

00:39:09
100%, you know, if certain individuals. Right, yeah, 100%. But it's. It's the overall idea of. I know it actually, you know, same kind of concept is when I was talking to somebody was a couple weeks ago, I was talking about a lot of dyslexics with a lot of money don't donate to dyslexic foundations.

00:39:36
Why? They could change, you know, so much. I'm like, because they're not okay with it. They may say they're okay with it, but they're not. Right.

00:39:44
You know. You know, I've gone across this, you know. You know, recently we've talked about this on the podcast. So it's. So they stay away from it.

00:39:54
Right? So it's. It's, you know, and obviously that. That pisses me off, because what. What they can be doing, right?

00:40:03
So it's. It's not so much individually with, you know, with me, it's. It's. It's the overall, you know, you've heard me say this, Elon Musk. I fucking hate him.

00:40:13
You know, I love the curbs of him. You know, you're like, oh, don't be Benedict. Because he's autistic. Excuse me? He's got Asperger's, but he doesn't do anything for the Asperger's community.

00:40:22
So I'm not, you know, and I refer that, and I say that because I'm not just trying to be selfish here. For the dyslexic community. I don't care, whatever. If you have something to support your community, support, you know? And so that's where I have the problem with.

00:40:35
So it's the overall.

00:40:39
Yeah, there's a reason. Why would they say lower, you know, middle class. Lower class donate the most? Because they're most affected. Right?

00:40:46
Because I think we. Like I said, my landscaper donated so nice, which is. And those things make my heart smile more. More than anything, you know, it's those people. It's those people are affected.

00:41:04
It's those little things. But then my, you know, happy face flips quickly to the sad face, knowing that there's so many more people that could just do a little bit and just have so much impact in the world. Um, as I. My call earlier this morning, I was telling about. First thing asked me, he's like, so you still do.

00:41:27
Still. Still deal with bullying? I said, yeah, absolutely. I said, kids didn't bully kids in wheelchair. They bully kids like me.

00:41:34
And he, you know, he started laughing. He's like, oh, I don't mean to be rude. And he wasn't being rude at all. It's no big, big, bad Brent. People don't bully big, bad Brent.

00:41:46
Absolutely do. Yo. It's, you know, so it's those things that ways that people, you know, he runs huge, massive company. Big, you know. Yes.

00:41:58
Awesome guy. Does ministry from prisons, and he's like, I can't believe how much the selects it runs. You know, when I'm speaking to these inmates and, you know, it's. So. It's.

00:42:11
It's the overall, the little donations and the people who take that sack, it's taken. It's not so much the money. Money is big. Yes. And that's the biggest thing for the foundation.

00:42:25
Correct. It's just get business. You gotta run. Right. The foundations.

00:42:28
It's the most important thing. Right. But it's the time you took that second you thought about me, you thought about every kid struggling, and you took that second to do it. And that's exactly important. And I think that needs to be a clip to share, because that is exactly what it is.

00:42:47
It's nothing to do with the money. It's the time to show that it's being seen and heard. It goes right back to that. So can I ask you a question? In your younger years, I'm going to.

00:43:01
In your younger years, when you were playing, did your depression look different? Like, was it as, like, were you stayed in bed? I would think that you couldn't stay in bed. I mean, first of all, you had kids, young kids, and then you also were playing, so it's like, you couldn't do that. So how did you.

00:43:20
Has it gotten worse as you gotten older, or is it that. Okay, go ahead. Oh, yeah, it's gotten much. Well, I guess I would almost equivalent it to the same thing as that. I was just talking somebody who had that panic attack, right?

00:43:36
Mm hmm. You've been having panic attacks for years. You just didn't know what it was. Right. So I would equivalate that to this, to the same thing.

00:43:47
You just handle. It showed up different when you were younger. And I think you handle it and show up differently, different when you're ten than you do when you're 26, when you do, when you're 46. So I think. I think it's kind of the same kind of chronicology.

00:44:01
And it just takes me down harder, faster, deeper now because it means more, because now it's, you know, more kids are struggling, you know, more people are struggling with mental health. And, um, the people that have a platform aren't telling the truth, that aren't lying. And it tweaks me, you know that. You know, the. The tiger words of the world.

00:44:33
Um, it tweaks me more because of the impact they could have instead of what they are having. Mm hmm. I get that. I get that. And it's.

00:44:47
And it goes back to the phone. I never, you know, there's kids out there as opportunity to change the world, but they're never going to have the ability to, and let's give them the ability to.

00:45:03
I'm gonna leave it at that. Another mic drop. Boom. No, but I should get a little plastic mic. I know.

00:45:12
Just drop it. Because you can't take this out and drop it. But no, and I appreciate you because we've talked about. So maybe it's not. Maybe it's not over that you are a king deflector.

00:45:28
So, like, you know how to change subjects. And I said to you before, you know, when. When I spoke to you yesterday and I hadn't spoke to you in a number of days, I was like, do you want. I wanted. I had questions for you.

00:45:41
Like, I just asked you, but I said I. Because I just want to understand. And I also don't want to go down where it's like, we just had a huge win. Is that pressure? Right?

00:45:51
Like, we got the article done. Is that, like, something that, like, I don't want to say. I felt bad because I'm not putting it back on me, but there was a part that was like, you know, I've said this to him before. I don't want you to feel like, oh, my God, now I'm locked in. Now I have to do this podcast for the rest of my fucking life.

00:46:06
Because that stuff, I don't. And you know that I don't take that stuff personally. I think when people are in something, and then it's like, it doesn't feel the way I wanted it to feel forever. I think I want to start over. You know, I want to start rethinking.

00:46:20
I said to you, if that's something, and you were like, no, I actually think we can talk about this today. So I do appreciate that because I know it's never fun kind of diving in it, but you know that it's important and that's why you do talk about it because I bet there's a lot of people also that don't realize that you suffer with depression the way you suffer with it. Um, because it's not like you're out there like, hey, you know, I mean, it's like, it's, it's a personal thing. It's not an easy thing to be like, hey, yeah, I suffer from this. So the fact that you're sharing that more, someone else might feel more comfortable to be like, you know what it is.

00:47:02
Okay, big bag Brent, who's a, you know, manly man. Well, you called yourself big bad Brent, but like, as a manly man, you know, professional athlete is also human. And not only does he have dyslexia, but he also suffers with mental health as well. And it doesn't make you any less, it doesn't make you any better. It doesn't make you anything other than a humanity that lives life just like everyone else with different things.

00:47:32
And so it maybe will give someone the opportunity or the comfort to say, you know what, I actually really resonated with that and I also suffer from it. Well, who was I, Cameron, just recently, you know, was, you know, was talking about, you know, the NHL is talking about this, you know, CTe, you know, and yo, and I made it, you know, I made a comment. I don't give a shit. People like, what's your problem with me? Yes, I have it.

00:48:07
The problem that I, that the biggest thing that I have, you know, athletes, veterans, first responders, just about anything. You know, you do whatever you do for your whole life. So there's nothing. Obviously as an athlete, I did something for 40 years. So most people don't do it as much as I did.

00:48:32
Yeah, again, they hit that at an older, they hit the 40 year mark. Older life. Towards the end of their, you know, their life type thing. That's all I knew. You know, it's what's having a purpose and, you know, it's so, it's.

00:48:51
I had nothing. I had. All I knew was. Was the hockey. It's all I know.

00:48:56
All I know. Then now you're trying to question the skills. Do you have, do I have scales? Do I have other skills? You know, come out of the military, you know, fighting, you know, fighting for the countries.

00:49:10
What skills do I have in the real world? Now. And it's, it, you know, we all have. Every guy probably got CT because there's a reason why women last longer, live longer than guys. Because we're all idiots jumping over a tree.

00:49:27
I broke my wrist in grade eight trying to get a paper airplane, you know? So I think I got CT just from trying to get falling out of a tree or the goddamn paper airplane. So it's, we are, we all have it, but we lose our purpose. And the foundation is my purpose because I never want a kid struggling the way I do, yo, on all these levels. And they could do so much, and they can be such an impact in this world.

00:49:54
And as a, you know, you know, and, you know, as a man and as a woman, whatever that is, you with more knowledge and understanding, you don't go down the holes that I do. And that's why I get so passionate about it. That's why I, you know, you and I talk to anybody, they're like, oh, I can feel the passion because that's me. You know, it's, it's who I am. It's, it's, it's my purpose.

00:50:19
But when I can't fulfill my purpose on a daily basis, um, and I know there's kids out there that, that I could be affecting, um, and helping, and I can't. It's. It's hard. Yeah. And understandable.

00:50:42
And as you said, I mean, that society, right? You're a man. You're supposed to be doing x, y, and z. You're a woman. You're supposed to be doing.

00:50:48
You know, as much as we try to get out of those stereotypes, they. Some stereotypes are there for. I mean, they're not just stereotypes. And the fact that you can be open and be vulnerable because I know not your favorite place to be. Not anyone's really favorite place to be.

00:51:06
Right. The vulnerability, I mean, it's. But it's important. It's life. Yeah.

00:51:12
I appreciate you not deflecting.

00:51:17
I didn't once. You didn't. I'm very proud of you. You didn't. I was ready for it, though.

00:51:23
I was like, okay, I'm going to be aware. I'm going to be ready. You guys, you know what to do, like rate review and share. And thank you again, Brent, you know, seriously, for sharing. Because it's multi leveled, it's multifaceted.

00:51:38
It's just not. It can go down. As you said, there's so many rabbit holes. And the more that we can talk about it, the better we feel, but also the more we can connect with others. So you guys, like, rate, review, and share because you do not know who needs to hear this.

00:51:53
Thank you for joining another episode of word blindness. Dyslexia exposed.