S1E19: Uncovering Strength - The Impact of Sharing Dyslexia Stories

Does struggling with dyslexia sound familiar? Have you been told to just work harder or concentrate more to overcome it, only to still feel frustrated and misunderstood? The pain of constantly trying without seeing improvement can be overwhelming. It's time to explore a different approach to healing and growth.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Understand the impact of dyslexia on daily life and relationships.
• Find healing and growth through sharing personal stories and experiences.
• Recognize defense mechanisms and coping strategies used in response to dyslexia.
• Explore the impact of trauma on individuals with dyslexia.
• Embrace the importance of open dialogue and supportive networks in managing dyslexia.

Explore Effective Defense Mechanisms:

Individuals often develop defense mechanisms to cope with emotional distress or difficult situations. Recognizing and understanding these defense mechanisms aids in dealing with the effects of dyslexia. It's important to identify these mechanisms and work through them, rather than suppressing emotions, for the smooth navigation of challenges.

Transcript:

00:00:01
Welcome to word blindness dyslexia exposed. I am Juliet Hahn. I'm here with my co host, Brent Sopel, and we are here to change the narrative. We want to educate, but we also want you guys to understand what it is like to be dyslexic and how things can change. So join us every week for word blindness dyslexia exposed.

00:00:26
You always wondered why I did what I did and approached things the way I approached it. Yeah. Is that. Yeah, so many people won't talk about it. So many people have just moved on.

00:00:35
Or, yeah, you just told move on. Okay. Deal with it. No problem at all. But how are we supposed to help the next people if you're not going to talk about it?

00:00:48
I'm Mr. Negative, right? No, really. I talk about the ugly stuff of it, because if I don't. But it's reality.

00:01:00
Who else is going to? Right. And the thing that I also think is really important is that you healed. And I shouldn't say you're healing, but you're healing through talking about your story and all of what you went through and then the drugs and alcohol and, you know, when you come on the other side that you can go down but help people. Right.

00:01:21
Because it's like, okay, you know what you went through. And it's like, if we just can bring this out and people can talk about it, and it is very interesting because now it will be interesting the next couple of weeks when we're interviewing people, watching people. And I shouldn't say love, but you could tell people's body language when people are not comfortable.

00:01:44
And it really is important. Yeah.

00:01:49
If you're not okay with all of you, then what I've heard that say, if you can't look in the mirror and say, I love you know what, feel and believe it, then you're not loving or not being loved the right way. Right. So we all have flaws, and I want to like this person. I got this sad. You have to love it.

00:02:13
I can't read. I'm not very good. Okay. And that's kind of the pause. I'm not good at this, but I'm good this.

00:02:21
So it's talking about that. And the longer that you aren't okay with it and they are uncomfortable and they're squirming in that chair, there's something there. There's something there. Even if you're successful, you're confident. There is the shame behind it.

00:02:39
And we've talked about that, and I used to not like that word, not tweaked. Me. But I'd be like, shame. What the hell? Shame.

00:02:47
We all just move on from things. But then when you really think about it, right? If you really think about it, it's the shame of being like, okay, I've been struggling and I've hit it, or I didn't really talk about it. I don't like how I feel when I think about those situations. But the more you can talk about those and then move on, the more you can then see the positives in your struggles and in your dyslexia.

00:03:10
And then, okay, what can I do now with this? Because I've kind of shedded that shame. Yes, I had it, and I sat in it and moved on from it. And now what's going to come out of it? Some of the most successful people in the world are some of the most insecure humans in the world.

00:03:27
Some of the biggest ceos, fortune five commerce, some of the most insecure, self hating people in the world. They'll throw money at them, throw this or whatever. They're always moving, always doing this, traveling, whatever. They hate themselves. They can't be alone with themselves because they hate themselves.

00:03:44
In rehab with some of the richest people in the world, miserable. Right.

00:03:53
We all have shame. Being a band, whatever, it's being okay with it. And we look up to a lot of the wrong people and a lot of money.

00:04:12
Some richest people are the most selfish people. They don't like themselves. Like the money. Yeah. Money is band aids.

00:04:22
No, totally. And so I want to actually kind of pivot this for a second, because we've talked about defense mechanisms, and there's so many defense mechanisms, and we've talked about this, like, in school, defense mechanisms. Like, how do you get out of things? Right? Oh, I can talk to this teacher.

00:04:38
I can do this. Now, sometimes defense mechanisms, you become brillHahnt at them, and they're actually really good as you grow in life. But we've talked about this a couple of times about as you've gotten older and people have gotten older and some of the defenses. Right. Drug and alcohol use is one of them.

00:04:55
But then you kind of gone down and you've talked to me about where someone can't sit and they overwork or they do this. And I think there was a time where I was like, well, be quiet. Just because I'm overdoing yoga, I'm going with it. Right. But there are things where people can't just sit and be.

00:05:12
Do you want to kind of go down that a little bit? Yeah, if you can't sit, I always make joke. Now, being sober, I got to play sober golf and have sober sex. Sounds wonderful. No, but it's feeling those feelings.

00:05:34
So any way that you cannot feel those feelings, is that working? Is that always going, I've got a million friends. No, you don't. You don't have millions. They're called acquaintances.

00:05:48
So you kept running. You can go, go running. Or people that will have a million tasks so that they only get half done. It's zero or 100.

00:06:00
Can be food. Yes. Can be working out. Yes, it can be working. It's finding ways.

00:06:07
You said it the other day. How'd you get around your test? You broke the lead and put the red lead in the pencil. Right. There's it.

00:06:15
That was in latin class.

00:06:18
How am I not going to go up there? And somebody told me a story. When they called up to the board, as they were walking up, they'd hit the kid in the head so that they'd get kicked out. It's all those little things in the boardroom. Somebody's going to ask me to write up hockey.

00:06:37
I was never getting up on that board. I was always making sure it didn't land on me. Is that moving? Is that sliding? Is it standing on my head?

00:06:47
Is that certain people, my name. People are assholes kind of attacking people in media or social media. No, it's not attacking. It's controlling where that goes because we got to sit back and how are we going to fake it? How many times you're writing a sentence?

00:07:09
You can't spell that word. Now. You got to figure out how to use a different word to spend ten minutes trying to write that sentence. I don't know how to spell that word. So I'm going to think of another word times a day.

00:07:19
Yeah. Thousand times a day. Yeah. So these are all defense mechanisms, and the list goes on. But the biggest thing is that we all have trauma, every single one of us, and it's all major trauma to each and one of us.

00:07:37
It's our own. But if we don't go and handle it and be okay with it, there's been some gnarly shit to happen to people, but we can't go and change it. But if we don't go and deal with it and whatever happened, that new you, whatever that means, you got to be okay with it. If you don't go, I call it. Clean out the closets.

00:08:08
There's a dragon in there. When that dragon comes out, roars his head bigger, deeper, harder, stronger each and every time. And living with that in you and that fear. Somebody tried it the other day at my golf event. Somebody handed me a non alcohol beer.

00:08:25
I'm like, no, it's not an alcoholic. I'm like, yeah, no, it's too close. It's a trigger for me. Right? I have one.

00:08:38
You'll never see me again. Bye bye. Promise. The taste. Right?

00:08:43
So there's a million different types of defense mechanisms, relationships. How many times I'm not feeling well, I'm sick or I'm tired.

00:09:01
There's a million of them. It's just finding out and seeing them and talking through them, because if you don't talk through them, they're not going away. And there's a reason why in some therapy is writing doesn't have sentences, periods, spell right. It gets it out before you snap, lose your mind, whatever you want to call it, it's not, you know, when we talk about it, because again, anyone that's listening to this, whether you're dyslexic or not, right, as Brent said, we all have our traumas. Whether you grew up in the white picket fence, right?

00:09:48
You think you grew up in the white picket fence. There's traumas everywhere. And again, big or small, they're yours, and it's how you handle them. But a lot of times, it's like, not like I brought myself back, as you were talking, brought myself back to the classroom, right. And as you said, how you would get out of so many different things so you didn't have to go and write on the board or stand or be asked that math question or go up and have to solve the math question.

00:10:11
I mean, oh, my God. Literally, as you were saying that, I was like, I think I'm going to throw up. And it is those things. So, again, for the teacher or the parent to think about this is you don't want to be found out. That's the last thing you want to do is be found out.

00:10:28
Because then it's like, wait, I am dumb because I can't do this. But again, it goes back to learning styles, finding out if you have learning disabilities and all that. And even when you find out, you still, like, if you have a teacher that's just a mean teacher or a mean person or someone you're in a boardroom or you're in somewhere, and someone just is not thinking of anyone else because they have their own traumas that they haven't dealt with, and you're called out. I mean, I can't even think about how many times at work, and those are usually the meanest people are, again, the most insecure. You got the mean girls in high school because they're the most insecure.

00:11:04
They're the ones that have the most shit. So it's consider the source sometimes.

00:11:12
Who was I saying the other day? Somebody's like, this guy cut me off and I called the company. I'm like, all right, asshole. Do you think he woke up and said, I'm going to go and find him and I'm going to cut him off? No.

00:11:25
What happened for me last four or five days, I know three or four friends that have had to put their dogs down. Okay? Do you know that we don't know what goes on inside other people's homes? And we judge and we critique and we have no fucking idea. And it's really amazing what people think.

00:11:58
Myself, people would have no idea. No idea. You know, I'm. I'm. I'm a scary motherfucker.

00:12:06
They all think, but they have no idea what's gone in my life. Not a clue. But you can judge me. Go ahead. But you're also one of the kindest people and the nicest people.

00:12:18
And people don't allow themselves to see that because. Right, okay. Oh, you were in the league for 18 years. You have this. You're this.

00:12:25
You're that guy. No, again, where people can't see, get past their own traumas to be thinking about others. And this is what, it's a trigger for so many people. As you said, the driving. There's many times where I've had to pause myself.

00:12:41
Run out of gas, actually. You would have been so proud of me the other day. I filled up at 30. When I was at 30 miles, I was like, I'm going to go, yeah. What was the last time?

00:12:52
You're like, yeah, I'm rolling in. It says 0 mile on my car. I go, I'm the worst. I am the worst. I feel like it's a waste of time, but yes.

00:13:02
And then the alternative is when you run out of gas. Waste of time when you run out of gas and you had to spend three more hours in the side road. Okay. I like to live adventure. No, but it's an example.

00:13:14
We talk about your traumas, obviously, with school, right? We talked about this. I think last time is every year you think you're over and go to school, the kids go back to school. And that first week, ten days, two weeks, is a shit show because you're reliving it. And on Wednesday at my golf vent, I had Hahn come up and speak, and he was talking about grade three spelling bee.

00:13:42
Another one of my budies is a marine, 18 years long. Sniper. He went and grabbed a drink because he wanted to go and fucking kill his teacher. Because the instant anger came back because of those traumas, it hasn't dealt through it right. I remember grade three threw a desk at a kid.

00:14:05
Grade three was. Well, and it does. And I want you to talk a little bit about your event because I know that it was such an. A special thing, but I do want you to talk a little bit about it because what you're doing in this world is great. And again, all these conversations, all these things, and we've talked about this many times on the podcast is that we will discuss things, and it's like, you know what?

00:14:29
We need to touch on that. And that's where the defense mechanisms came in because we all have them. Again, whether you struggled, whether you're not, whether whatever level you did, we all have them. And to kind of acknowledge them is really important because you're just going to heal it and be a better person for yourself, for your family, for people that you work with, whatever it is. But defense mechanisms can go so deep and you can get so into them that you don't know how to get yourself out of there.

00:14:57
And when we talk about them, I always think I'm like, okay, what are some of my, I guess, defense mechanisms? And you think, oh, I've dealt with this. And as you said, when school starts, my oldest just came home. And, I mean, he just texted me, and he's like, mom, our essay. I need that.

00:15:12
My college essay. I need to do this. And I paused and I said, if they're making you stressed because everyone's talking about applying to college, I was like, take a breath. You have it done. I think there's, like, one more edit that needs to be done on it.

00:15:28
You and I will work on it this weekend or tonight, but do not let the school stress you out.

00:15:37
But that actually, when I said that to him, I had to remind myself, too, because again, that's all that's being talked about right now is like, oh, my God, do you have all this? Do you have all that? Do you have all that? And it brings me back when I was a senior, and then I'm like, deep breath. There was not an option.

00:15:56
I didn't have to worry about that. Not an option. This kid ain't going anywhere for school. But I'm sorry. You were going into league and you were trying to go to become a professional athlete.

00:16:06
There's a fucking ton of stress there. Jesus Christ. Writing articles tell you how much you suck. There's no stress. It's awesome.

00:16:14
It's great. Every single person in this world has trauma. We've all had stuff, but we always talk about helping people. People don't help. I remember a friend of mine, she was in Florida.

00:16:30
She had a gas station a woman dropped. She was trying to help this woman on the ground for 30 minutes in front of a gas station. Nobody stopped. We're some of the oldest, selfish people.

00:16:46
I just don't understand how you think you're better. We all put our pants on the same way, and just because you work here or do that, you're no better. We all go to bed, we all wake up, we all cut ourselves. We all have a heart, and we get hardened with things that happen to us. But you attract what you get off, give off.

00:17:12
So those effects, manage them. If you don't fix them and heal them and understand them and be okay with them, it keeps going. In my golf event, I had one of the guys. Yeah. I just found out I'm bipolar.

00:17:26
It makes sense. So we're talking. I'm like, you need to figure out what those triggers are. Is it eating chocolate? Is it eating just random things so that you can be aware of it so it doesn't lead you somewhere.

00:17:43
Good point. Well, because it's the stuffing. I mean, and that's the thing. And when you find things out again, my family, literally, they'll be like, oh, my God. Because I'm like, wait, are you stuffing this?

00:17:54
You need to figure it out, how to get it out, because you got to get a turkey. You got to have a turkey somewhere. But seriously, if you stuff, it's coming out somewhere. And I say that all the time. I'm like, okay, you might be having a moment, but if you do not figure it out, it's going to come out sideways in not a good way.

00:18:14
And you cannot stuff. You cannot fucking stuff. And I'll give you first responders. Yeah, I don't have police, fire, ems. Some of the biggest heroes, along with the people that fight for our country, they're taught in academy.

00:18:34
You got to bury it for the day, get through your shift where you're doing the disrespect. We show those people. You should fucking see the things they see. Yeah, I'm not even going to open that, but we all have it.

00:18:57
You've only got so much room in you. How big is it? This much? Each person is different. Is it this much?

00:19:03
Is it this much, people always say, God only gives you what you can handle, we can handle. Everybody's different. And then you hit that, and then it's. I knew so and so he just went nuts, or she went nuts. How we get.

00:19:20
Or someone killed themselves or whatever. And so it's important. And again, this is where, look, I'm going to tie it all together, but this is why it's so important for the neuropsych in schools to think, as you said, the kid that would go when they got called on the board and hit someone in the back of the head, okay, now, a teacher that is intuitive, or a person that is intuitive can say, okay, he's done that a couple of times. Let me pull him aside and see if everything's okay. Now, is that kid maybe going to tell you?

00:19:48
No, but let's keep an eye on that. Okay, let's see what they're. Am I going to continue to call him up so he continues to hit people in the head to continue to get kicked out? No, that kid wants to get away. There's, again, the kid that constantly is going to the nurse, right?

00:20:03
Oh, I think I cut myself. I pulled a piece of skin. I have my fingers bleeding. I need to go to the nurse. All these different things.

00:20:10
If we could just think a tiny bit outside the box, a little bit, like literally even a centimeter outside the box, you could see a bigger picture of what's going on with someone and be there to maybe be the support or help or, hey, how are you doing? Everything okay? Just ask that and really mean it. That's hard, though. Don't you know that?

00:20:34
No, because I don't find that hard. But yes, I know that was sarcastic. But people find that hard because they can't get past their own shit. And outside the box, to me, that's not outside the box. If there's something that's repetitive, why?

00:20:56
I'll give you an example. Saturday, I pull in the parking lot of rink and one of my kids is having a meltdown. Mom's like, I don't want to go to practice. I'm like, okay. I said, he's crying.

00:21:07
I'm like, crap down. Let's go to my office down there. I'm like, sit down. I'm like, hey, what's going on? Some days I don't want to go to practice.

00:21:14
I'm like, you guess what? Me too. I'm like, some days I don't want to either. I said, but that's okay.

00:21:23
There's times where you don't want to come practice. You want to build legos or play soccer? No problem at all. But you know what you got to do? You got to tell your mom and dad because you remember what class I failed in school.

00:21:35
He's like, no, I don't remember. I said, mind reading. So you've got to tell your mom and dad so they can tell me, because I can't read your mind. And I said, since you're here, why don't we have practice? And he's like, well, next week.

00:21:47
Well, maybe I miss one. I'm like, worry about it then on the ice, no problem. All good to me. That's not outside the box. No, that's being a human.

00:21:57
There's days we don't want to go to work. Great.

00:22:01
To me, what you just said is not outside the box. If there's something that happens, repetitive, there's a kid. All right. But again, people are not out there, as you said, to help. And that's one of the things, again, that people wouldn't ever see that that's something that you do, and especially what you're doing with your program and the charity and stuff.

00:22:24
You're for helping others so they don't go through what you went through. Yeah, I never want a kid to feel way I do every day. I'm misunderstood every day.

00:22:40
A lot of people don't like me, don't give a shit. But, like, at the rink or at school or if you're not for the kids, look the fuck out, because you're not going to like what's coming. Because it's not about me, it's about them. And that's why I tell my story. Because that story is not when, you know, when I share these things, it's not about me.

00:23:04
It's who hears it. It's for that kid. It's that kid of me that's sitting in a classroom right now, miserable.

00:23:17
Yeah, I have three of them sitting in school right now.

00:23:24
I'm old. I'm past that. Yeah, I'm older than you. So fucking. You just decided to have babies when you were a baby?

00:23:33
Get in and get out, literally. No, but it's something that people need to think about and challenge themselves. Because you're right. It's not thinking out of the box. But for a lot of people, it is really thinking out of the box because they don't know how to get out from under their own 2ft to think about anyone else.

00:23:57
And as you just were talking about the other day, I was driving in town and I noticed this woman, she was, like, going like, she was older, and she seemed like she was limping, and she was going like this. And I was like, she had very nice clothes on, but her knees were muddy. And I was like, I think she fell. So I pulled over, and people are beeping at me. And I'm like, just everyone pause.

00:24:19
I pulled over so then no one would beep at me. And I just said to her, are you okay? And she looked at me. She's like, no. I fell.

00:24:25
And I said, oh, my gosh. I said, can I drive you home? I said, I promise, not a serial killer. You can take a picture of my license plate, but you look like you're struggling. And she was like, no, I'm okay.

00:24:39
And then she went to take a step. She goes, you know what? That would actually be great. And I drove her home, and I was telling a friend of mine, fucking amazing. Well, I was telling a friend of mine, and they were like, oh, how did you even notice?

00:24:52
I'm like, what do you mean, how did I notice? She was walking in front of me and I was seeing that she was limping. I noticed that her clothes were dirty. So I put two and two together that she fell. And I don't think, oh, I'm so nice.

00:25:04
I am nice, but do you know what I mean? I don't think that I went above and beyond. I noticed because I wasn't in my own head thinking about my own shit. Do I have my own? When you fell, would you like someone to help you?

00:25:15
Exactly. And I said to her, I go, I really hope that was there people around. And she said, no, there was no one because I said to her, did people just walk by you as you fell? Because then I was going to get angry. And she's like, no.

00:25:28
I came off the train, and there was, like, an area. She's like, no. And so I was like, okay, but it is those things. It is those things. And that's what we need as parents to also teach our kids.

00:25:37
I mean, I said this to my kids, and we've talked about this. I always say, look around. If someone looks like they're just, hey, can I help you? It's so bizarre to me that people wouldn't do that. It's really bizarre and sad to me.

00:25:52
But there are a lot of people like us out there, but you do have to look sometimes for them.

00:26:03
But if the roles were reversed and everybody's like, if you fell, you want somebody there. Okay.

00:26:12
It's funny how the roles reversed yes, absolutely. There's more.

00:26:22
Doing the right thing or going. Doing something like that sometimes isn't easy. You pull out, get your car, but you don't know what happened. No, she was medical. Yeah, right.

00:26:42
And she was an older woman. And you know what? I was on my way to my workout. Did I miss my workout? I was five minutes late.

00:26:48
But am I always five minutes late? I am. I happened to be on time that day, but it was one of those things that I wasn't going to drive past and just. And go past. It was like, you know what?

00:27:02
Let me see if she's okay. Because you don't know, and I say this all the time. We'll talk about dyslexia awareness month. You have no idea what is going on in somebody's. Good morning.

00:27:20
How are you doing? You okay? Might save somebody's life, might change the trajectory. That's it. And it feels actually nice, right?

00:27:34
Doesn't it feel nice to do it and say, someone say to you, you know what? That really meant a lot to me. Thank you. And that's why you never know. You got the suicide hotline number, which is a bunch of bullshit.

00:27:50
Oh, how about just somebody reach out, hey, how are you doing? Or, hey, good morning. You okay? Hold the door for somebody. Is that hard?

00:28:00
Take 2 seconds. The world, there's a lot going on. We're all going through a lot. Every single person.

00:28:13
A lot of the people that the desperate hellwise bite pick a fence. Usually they're the worst, but that's the thing. Everyone has stuff going on. But if we all, as each human being can go out of our way, if it's something that someone's like, well, I would never do that because then someone did say to me, they're like, what if she was crazy? And I was like, if she was crazy, she was crazy.

00:28:35
And I guess God wanted me dead. I don't know. I don't think about things like that. I saw that she was hurt or muddy and I figured it looks like she maybe fell. But if we all could do that, and all of us could, that is where the change needs to happen.

00:28:49
So many people are so in their own world and they are not thinking about others. And the kids are really what is going to be getting the hurt the most. We've talked about this because I think the world has always gone through stuff like, I had someone that I babysat their family. She said, I would just never want to be raising kids. Now, this is like a year or two ago.

00:29:13
And I said to her, I said, lisa, I said, I understand what you're saying, but every generation has gone through stuff. There's 911, there's wars. Every generation has gone through stuff. It's not that it's harder for me to raise my kids now than it was for you to raise your kids back in the day. Right.

00:29:30
But if we all need to be better, I do feel that things are way more egocentrical. People are so much more for themselves. And I don't know, as I've gotten older, I just noticed it more, or it really is. This is what's happening now. And there's a different work ethic than I see.

00:29:50
I mean, one of my kids teams, half of the kids are not showing up for practice anymore because they're losing. I'm sorry. You made a commitment to a team. You fucking show up. I don't get that.

00:30:02
So I don't know if it's just where I am in life that I'm seeing this or it's always been like this, but I think everyone just needs to do a little better. Everyone needs to be better than they are, and they need to not just think about themselves and what they're going through. And you say this sometimes the people that are going through the most can't look outside because you have to, though. People have to give. I mean, it makes me fucking crazy.

00:30:30
You just talked about, you made a commitment to the team not showing up. We're letting people and kids get away with what they're doing.

00:30:44
You talked about somebody said, what if that person was crazy? All right, that's something to me right there has trauma and issues that they haven't dealt with because that's their first response. Yeah. So that's your way of getting around it. You've got things going on there.

00:31:07
It's raising participation. Riblins, take your ribbon and fucking shove it up your ass because there's no participation ribbons. Life is in fucking. You got to fight for your girlfriend. You got to fight for a job.

00:31:20
That's how life goes. I walked in one of my teams yesterday. I said, hey, some of you don't like me. I don't care. Some days, you're not going to let your boss, your coworker, you got to respect it.

00:31:32
Yeah. And you got to learn how to deal. And that's life. That's what this is about. It's not easy to.

00:31:42
We are sheltering our kids so much, and then when they step into the real world, they're like, oh, my God. What fuck is this?

00:31:59
Grade seven or the girl I was dating her daughter. No, five. Science fair. All right, we have six third places. No, we don't.

00:32:11
We have one third fucking place. Oh, that stuff makes me nuts. So when you end up third or fourth in that job interview and you still don't have a job living at home. We're creating that.

00:32:26
We're creating that for the kids you were talking about earlier. Right now I feel that the adults are in the worse mental health position than anybody. And that's why it's falling down on the kids, because they're not taking of it. I don't know about you is that I found that some of the first generation people from other countries, eastern European, that I found are very obviously not too mental health and not very good on the communication, are asking for help from outside. So they keep it in.

00:33:12
And I find them struggling the most. We got to talk. I don't care who it is. Is it your dog? Is it a fucking pet squirrel?

00:33:21
Is it Alvin, Simon, Theodore? Doesn't matter. You've got to talk. A lot of times you don't need to hear anything back, but you got to talk. And the longer we hold it in and how many marriages I've seen recently because she won't get help, or he won't get help, or there's no communication or this, or this.

00:33:49
The pain in the world and people's. Every day it's sad. And I'm always here to help anybody I can. I know that and I know you are. And we're only two people, but we can do what we can do.

00:34:04
No. And it's true. And again, I think a lot of people, it brings it back to the shame or the non understanding. They don't think that people are all going through the same sort of stuff. And really, when you come down to it, even if it's not apples to apples, there is something similar in everyone's in the way, like trauma or things, something that has happened to you.

00:34:29
You're not the only one, right? And I'm going to take it back to in motherhood when you first become a mother and you're like, oh my God, what is going on? And when you start talking to other moms that are going through the same thing, you're like, oh my God. Okay, I'm not crazy. Okay, this feels so much better.

00:34:49
But it's the same thing even as a new dad, okay, your wife is now a different person because they just had this baby and they're not this fun loving person. And it's hard on a marriage. And it's like, wait a second. But you're talking to another dad friend, and they're like, oh, my wife's going through it, too. Okay?

00:35:04
There's different things that happen, but if you talk about them, you make it okay. And it's like, okay, let's speak about this and we're in this together. Let's understand. It's the understanding which we talk about a million times.

00:35:23
I say 95, 90% of relationships are fake because. Are you talking about it?

00:35:35
I'm struggling. If you married that person, you should know everything. The past, how many peppers slept with. If you love me, we all have a past. I'm just going to close it.

00:35:48
Didn't happen. Come on.

00:35:52
I asked somebody the other day, I'm like, what's your wife's love languages? He goes, what are those? Right? I'm a fucking dumb canadHahn farmer. What the fuck?

00:36:04
Hockey. What did you just say?

00:36:09
Yes, you guys are crazy. But it's talking it out and understanding. Yeah, probably being married to me would have been really like, what the fuck? Because I didn't understand myself. The dyslexia, adhd, we talk about, it's talking through it and we all change.

00:36:34
And if you're not communicating with your spouse or whatever, talking through things as we all change, how are they supposed to know? So how many women? I mean, I say yes, but I meant no, not like I don't fucking read minds. You need to communicate and we can't. You need to communicate.

00:36:54
And as we grow, we evolve and we change. You better, because if not, you're even the worst place. You are. So you're not the same woman right now as you were 20. I am not.

00:37:11
But you should be changing. And if you're married, you should be changing together, because that means two different things. You have two different people. Yeah. And that's where the communication.

00:37:24
But remember, and I said this to you, and I think I even sent you this. There was, like a quote, and I thought it was really interesting because I'm all about communication and the questions and making sure everyone's understanding stuff, but it is. You can be communicating, but the other person is not comprehending. So it is a very different thing. And that's where having an open relationship, talking about.

00:37:47
Okay, do you understand what I'm saying? Is it okay, you heard me. But did you hear me? And that's in everything in life, not just relationships, right? It's in everything.

00:37:59
In work, in business, in life, in friendships. I mean, it's all like, okay, I know. I just said this. So, oh, I feel great. But wait, does that person, did they comprehend what you said?

00:38:11
So you feel like you're doing your job, but they're not comprehending, but you have to have that whole opened communication. I've had to learn because I've been so different. I've had to learn. I left home so early, I'm thinking, all right, am I talking to a canadHahn or American? Okay, I'm here in the US.

00:38:30
Okay, I'm talking canadHahn. So we're going to talk kilometers. We're going to talk celsius, right? We're going to talk liters. All right, I'm talking to my budy.

00:38:36
In Finland, everybody learns differently, and you have to learn how they learn.

00:38:50
I had dinner with what you call it, Matt. And I said to him, I said, you guys sit in your boardroom and you have twelve different people there that you're pitching to now. They all learn differently. You need to learn how they each learn, because if not, you're trying to pitch whatever that is. You're trying to pitch this deal to them.

00:39:22
But you and I sitting there learning completely different. So I said, you should go back around. After they all introduce themselves, ask them each a question before you get started, ask them a question so you can figure out how they learn. So then after the meeting, you might be able to go, Juliet learns this yo. With that right question, you might be able to get more information to be able to close that deal.

00:39:51
Well, because there's a connection, and I always say you're like one question away from a different life. You could ask the right questions at the right time at the right person, and something could come out of it that you never even expect because you were there, you were acknowledgable. You asked a question. So I'm going to stop us, though. Oh, go ahead.

00:40:14
That one's an interesting quote. Isn't that good? I like going, but it's true. Think about it. You can be one question away from a different life because who are you asking that question to?

00:40:31
What connection do you make because of that question?